went online
chatted wid fx
we arent tat close
but he's e kind
whom i can reali trust

im such a disappointment
been some time we keep in touch
cant believe e change in mi
haix

upset, lost
mix of feelings
wad to do next
wad to do now?

been emotionally unstable
temper blow anyhow
thinking things i shdnt be

insecurity
worries
lonely

tel mi
wad to do

today not moi day
slept early
got bb worried
dreams
tired
woke up late
late for work
mistakes non-stop
sales got messed up
auntie got irritated
stop talking to mi
not in the right state of mind
haben even eaten anything
help
wad am i doing

its alrdy 3plus
im stil slacking
jux dun feel like going work
everyday work work work
bery tired leh

everyday
reach home at 12am
slp at 4am
wake up at 1pm
nightmares everyday
dun even haf time for moiself
haix

was supposed to go proj ytd
bb sick
went to look after him instead

den zq called
told mi abt e discussions
gosh
can alrdy feel the hectic-ness

monday
firx day of a new term
2 interviews
class starts at 8am
ends at 5pm
gotta go down to ritz carlton at 7pm
guess wont be home until 10pm
its onli the firx day!

arghh
i jux feel so tired
can i quit
stop schooling?
no

its alrdy e graduation year
1month plus of studying
den half yr attachment
n i'll graduate
how can i quit
it'll be such a waste

but..
im reali tired
drained
no more energy

bb sick again
ytd went
today went over again
poor bb
mux haf been working too hard

online wid wb ytd
tat mr bean
haas
tot i disappear from the world

guess sort of ba
somehow
haben been contacting moi grandsons
n e ppl ard
ppl seems to miss mi
heehee

he's a sensitve one
feel tat things arent rite
showed mi moi horoscope reading for e dae
it saes
moi life is going to balance
lols
wad does tat mean

anyway
i jux miss moi bb
wth
jux seen him few hrs ago

his house
as if moi 2nd home
i noe exactly
where everything is placed

walk ard like nobody biz
even didi at home
doesnt matter
whahaha

hmm
now at work leh
again

vanessa jio mi go mambo nite
canot go
not feeling well
but she keep tempting mi
arghhhh

shall sign off le
hope bb get well soon
^_^

tears
not feeling rite
'daddy' sae i look haggard
sick n weak

no longer the bubbly
little gal he used to noe
e soul in mi
gone

sumtink not rite
cudnt tell
jux dun feel rite
hurt

agony
nobody noes
dere r things not meant to be said

worries
questionmarks
all by moiself

sharkfin
beijing duck
orders by sistas
y e sudden

probably shdnt haf come back at all
shd haf been a good gal
be e little granny
might been more happy

at least those r the days
i reali laughed
with no worries

nainai miss her grandsons

things not going smoothly
obstacles owaes appear
y am i
owaes stuck in between

since sec 1
been making decisions
been crying over
y mi again

can dere be once
let mi live life
as it is

can dere be once
i dun haf to start thinking
wad should i do

moi life
full of challenges
does tat make mi
a stronger n better person

or make mi
a more quiet n reserved

can i
jux sit back
n not bother abt anything

i dun wan to work
i dun wan to travel from one end to another
thinking of how am i going to spend tat 4hrs in the airport

its holidays
moi last school holidays
can i jux quit
n enjoy moiself to the fullest

wad will ppl sae of mi
i din turn up for work
cux i was sick
ppl angry
cux it was last min

but how can u predict
u will be sick the next day

if now i sae
daddy gary
i wan to quit
i nid to think of a valid reason
y izzit such a last min decision

will be putting daddy gary
in a spot
he dotes on mi so much
as if im his daughter
how can i be so cruel
to do this to him

wanping
u gotta endure
3 more wks
it will be over

jia you

neber knew wad i wrote
will scare ppl like hell
haas

*to joan*

i read ur blog
was at a lost of words
think from his point of view
u will realise y he does this n that

he tie ppl
cux he cherish e person
he dun wan to lose tat special one
if u notice
his special one is owaes loved by many

e blood n j-ster
is not gone
dey went pub
for men's talk
like gals
we haf our gals' talk too
guys need privacy too
e bros n sistas
did not forget u

thank u for ur blessings
i wish u n kw well too
all da best
jia you

be a good gal
dun let ur tots run wild
if not
no sharkfin for u!!
=P

*to all those who r concerned*

im perfectly fine
sorry for e scare

jux tat moi digestive system
not bery good
tats y
i feel like vomiting
cux the food pcs r not digesting
ended up too full

imagine
u ate alot
much more den usual
stomach bloated
den u board a train
so crowded n shaky
wont u wan to vomit?

so guys
dun anyhow think

thanx for ur concern
lurve ya

feeling so restless everyday
everything i eat jux dun seems right
feel like vomiting all the time
if not i'll feel too full
even if its jux a bun for a meal

gosh
wads happening to mi
feeling so sick
so tired

went for project today
as usual
e man n woman is late
n very late

guess cux of last nite's bbq
had fun
played secret no
drank tat cup of chilli + volka + chips
yucks

so many things to do
proj discussion r owaes short n sweet
good
sumhow
i can c some progress
at least for sm
e whole report outline is done
great

e sad thing is
i realise
sch's starting soon
pretty fast eh

haven reali enjoy
n e holidays r ending
when sch starts
its going to end pretty soon too

den i'll be gone
wid moi present situation?
can i endure e long hrs?
n e 5mths w/o moi mama ard?
omg

lion com coming
everybody is busy
y am i not?

da-shu called e other day
surprise
he asked y i not competing
told mi sp seems not enuff ppl
alright
i din noe
i wasnt told
i promised him
i'll help out if deres a need
but bb disagreed

darling
oh pls
dun tie mi so tight
dun

so wad r moi plans?
going to be like e other time
inform him onli when everything is done?
no way
he's going to kill mi

nvm
shall take a step at a time

tmr going out
fretting over wad to wear
moi wardrobe looks so plain
y is mama owaes complaining too many?

nah
i wan to buy t-shirts!!
think ps got one shop
selling tops pretty nice
shall drop by tmr

world cup fever
no scv at home
missed so many matches

ytd got portugal
today got czech republic
tmr got brazil
moi favs
gonna miss it
arghhh

im feeling so sick
help

he called
sounding so bored
so restless for the whole dae

she duno wad to sae
tried hard to start a topic
said things she shdnt sae

at least
she got it cleared
e msg counts

actuali she knew
when he waited for her last nite
dun she

guess she's jux trying
to initiate a conversation
not good to keep quiet over the fone

she's never on fone
cux she's owaes so quiet
better at expressing in words?

e problem wid internet
ppl communicate over e screen
while keeping their mouths shut

ending up
keeping more quiet
each day passes

or izzit
becux dey knew each other
long enuff

thorough
till dey noe wads going on
even w/o speaking their minds

gosh
is tat a good sign?

finali went back wlcs ytd
had a hard time
persuading bb to let mi go

he sent mi a msg
until he gotta noe y i was so sneaky
forget abt e msg
he said

cz enlightened mi
time for mi to make moi own decision
so i went ahead

i tot dat will be e last time
we eva be so close
i held him tite
heart hurting inside

it hurts mi more
when e pfm was messed up
moi worse eva pfm
was such a utter disappointment

i joined sp
wid onli one goal
i wan to learn moi dragon ball well
cux one day
i wan to go back wlcs
n lead the dragon
wid ppl impressed

but y mux dere owaes be crop ups
neber once
since sp
in wlcs
i did well
never

why
in sp
i can lead em well

why
in sp
dey understand
wad i wan to do next

communication?
probably
been ages
im in wlcs
never lead e big ones b4
first time eva

tears nearly drop
den i remembered
mum once said
how can u accomplish big things
when u cant overcome a small task

e words
since young
engraved deeply in heart
those words
made mi stronger
after each fall

i shall learn
from every mistake

no matter how
ppl tease
no matter how
ppl laugh

i wil prove moiself
one day
i will

its e 9th today
a significant date
for mi for him

happy anniversary

bb
ilu

stupid com
wanna do serious work
jam
i nid to submit work online
by this wk neh
pls pls
be good k

9am
so early
daddy gary called
ask mi go work at 1pm
ch on mc
aiyo

was half aslp
onli rbr going c bb later
canot help

bb sick le
fever
again
acc him go c doctor

i like e doctor
joke joke de
not like mine
so serious

tmr wlcs chu dragon
should i go
bb sure not happy de
but i feel like going

time to go back?
been years since im in uniform
joined sp
dey tot i peng liao

in fact
moi heart
never left wlcs
owaes tel moiself
i stil belong dere
no matter how close am i
wid others

dats moi home
where i grew up
though i din learn much
from dere

daddy mummy
all wished to c mi back
i sae i free
dey sae go chu la

take dragon ball
teach eric how to run
haas

mi? teacher?
lols

went weiyi ann ytd
disappointment
waited so long
program onli started at 2145

e so-called lion king
so funnie
pris keep looking at the drummer's belly
naughty gal

e so-called dragon king
not bad
stil not as good as last yr com
i was dere
last yr was so much better

ns jump zhuang
ben n xiong
e onli team in ns?
swing up e first pole
hmm
tat time lt oso did
fast learner
i like e swing
cool
but dey din eat e greens
play back video
oso dun haf
???

weiyi dragon
one of moi fav
standard drop
yihao's lollipop
not as powerful
haiz
but i like his shua zhu
power

imagine one day
i can be like him
da-shu sure jaw drop
haas

miss moi lollipop
dragon stop
nainai oso stop

now can onli c ppl pfm
i wan moi lollipop!!

when can i touch e dragon again?
moi little wish
since 10years ago
will it be ever be fulfilled?

i once had a feeling
at the age of 19
everything i wanted
i get it
onli one wish
not fulfilled
n i left the world

im 19
this year

last nite she cried
herself to slp
e feeling she hated
should she voice out

she noes deres nutink on
jux cant help feeling uneasy

e onli nite
no nightmares
e onli nite
she slept well n sound

she's feeling insecured
she needs some assurance

she flipped thru e photos
stuck at e same one again
everytime
tears wet her eyes

memories flashback
she misses him more
e one she used to noe
e one she used to cuddle in

she asked a question
he wouldnt answer
she hopes to hear him sae
"yes"

he giggles
but he jux wouldnt sae

surrounded by gals
she dun wan to be an option
she wans to be e priority
like she used to be

fate or faith?

feeling so restless
discounts everywhere
bought a necklace cum belt today

was supposed to do project
cw suggested orchard library
end up nvr come
mavis sick
left piriya, zq n mi

can onli discuss gbe
3more to come along
gotta buck up

sotong late for work again
everytime go back lala land
after moi morning col
*shake head*

wanted to gif him second col
scared he stil upset abt ytd
haix

so many things
i suggested
he shook his head

darling
haf u becum half indian?
y keep shaking ur head
aiyo

nvm
one day
u will nod ur head

sumtimes
crazy ppl
n crazy ideas
takes time for ppl
to accept
n to go along

chatted wid grandson ytd
did some catch up
haben been going training
been missing

he got gf le!!
heehee
finali
one down

many to go
so many grandsons
dun rbr how many
haas

kinda miss em
e last time i saw em
was like during
nite safari
wid e super huge animals

nono
was at chu shi
gosh
been so long
dragon stop
nainai oso stop
haix

nafa coming
july 21st
been 3yrs since i last run 2.4
6rounds
wid moi fats
can i stil retain
moi gold medal
hope so

gotta start training
no running shoes
gotta get one
money
where
haix

work ytd
wid auntie
surprisingly can get along wid her
e firx time since dec
lols
if onli we can remain this way
how great
she's not tat scary afterall

submitted moi schedule
for e last mth of work
hmm
so fast

met jing n kel ytd
n tat blur sotong
he got pestered by tat lil gal again
haas
wonders tat lil gal got bomb him today anot

working later
hmm
gotta go home moiself
sotong not going to sit wif mi in e train
he today half day onli
cant expect him to wait until 10

how great if can go home wid him
everytime i finish work
hee

gosh
im falling in
again
his daddy saw mi
caught mi in surprise
dunno how to react
was trying to hide away
stil he spotted mi

den saw his didi
den daddy told mummy
mummy ask where am i
omg
all in one day

den went to meet ys
he sang e song again
n e last sentence he look at mi
n sang it to mi
tao yan
make ppl blush
humph

honestly
picture still as blur
a little sweet a little confusing
haven been sleeping well

nightmares
scared
but he was neber told
hurr

silly gal
dun dare to ask for much
cherish
e onli word in her mind n heart

thinking of organising bbq
before i leave
not sure if he will still be dere
when i come back

call it a last dinner
wadsoeva
though i dun wish to
let it be sweet
memories behold

yet dunno if he will be in singapore
so many ctries he's going to
pls be back in time
let mi c u
before i dun get to

he asked mi to go jb wid him
n his mummy
heehee
but both gotta work
den he say after his attachment
yippee
looking forward

wish mi well

signing off*