oh no.
im sick. real sick.
finali went to the doctor ytd.
indigestion.

went back again today.
medication stronger.
so many things canot eat.

the beans series.
cauliflower. brocolli.
moi fav milk.
fried food.
dumplings.

gosh. its the rice dumpling festival.
but i reali learnt the lesson.

was such a torture after the dumpling.
had a hard time getting to sleep.
couldnt even go school today.
when today is such an impt day.

test papers.
IAF tutorial.
results for sm test.
let's pray i dun need to go for retest.
=_=

went yvonne's bday tat day
was shocked when i reached
its not a house unit
its at coffeeshop

so many ppl
like wedding dinner
esp when she n bf take photos

envy em
how i wish i can behave like em
it used to be
haix

had a nice time wid em
moi sec sch mates
some bery long neber c liao
yihn shin stil e same
e joker of e day
e big eater
haha

den went kbox
his singing improved
keep it up
mine is going downhill
where's moi shifu??
*shake head*

songs tat he sang
belongs to their memories
he denied
but i noe

y wud one be so pissed off
if u dun haf feelings??

jing told mi sth
dunno wad to sae
keep saying "i dunno"
she said
"in fact, dere's onli two words in ur heart
-waiting"

am i??

when friends ask
haf a bf?
she replied no
n dey all knew

e somebody once so impt
still lives in her heart

ytd went longtian's anni
saw e lilies on the zhuang
gosh
moi favourites
so nice

e next thing dat came into moi mind
i wan e lilies on moi wedding
e decorations
oops

reminds mi of the 9lilies
e 090909
e date. e promise.
haas

is she still waiting??

she onli noes
she tried to put it down
but somehow
she never had e courage to accept new

somehow her hands can onli slipped into tat somebody's
somehow she's onli able to find a sense of security in him
nvm if deres part 2 to his stories
e trust never once faded
never

wad abt the feelings?
its rekindling
like e candle n its flame

wad does tat mean??

omg!! moi soul has left mi!!
i was actuali thinking of wad to pack into moi luggage last nite.
this morning, im alrdy thinking
of how i wud look like when i come back.
tats like dunno how many mths later de things wor.
gosh.

actuali quite fast la.
now is alrdy end of may.
will be end of aug soon.

im having a test later!
test!! 15%!!
wad am i doing here?!!

aiyoyo..

actuali i do wonder.
how wud things be like when im not ard.
n when i come back.
wud things still be e same for mi??

the story. the people. e place.
e smell. e taste. e sounds.
would everything still be familiar??
would moi lollipop still be dere for mi??
or replaced??

would granny be forgotten??
would bb be forgotten??

stop!!!
i need to go back to moi books.
or shd i sae notes.
aiyo. its memorizing work again.
brain teaser.

jiayou jiayou jiayou!!

i cant wait to get moi pay.
i wan to get moi dream camera.
i wan to go shopping.
its gss!!
sales!!

not time for tests.
oh no. i need some motivation.
motivation!!!

i still wan moi 'a's at the end of the day.

hmm. guess im feeling better le.
at least not so xin ku le.
hopefulli not on-off.
been suffering for the past few wks le.
yesh! i can survive w/o e doctor!!
whahaha!!

but appetite still not bery good.
nvm. slowly will recover de.
oh no. im craving for thai food.
the sourness and spicy-ness.
awww.

went movies today.
over the hedge.
nice cartoon.
all abt food.
nono. tok abt family ties too.
dey r jux cute.
i wan e softtoys!!
oops.
guess im still a child at heart.
haas.

tat day cw asked.
when r we gg out?
haven get u ur present.
haas.
tot dey forget le.
hmm. put some money into an ang bao.
dat will be perfect.
honestly.
i reali dunno wad to buy.
heels maybe.
mine is wearing out.

dennis asked mi abt my present too.
dey wanted to get mi e giordano jeans.
tot i like it alot.
in actual fact. not reali.
tats y im hesitating.

sunday ish nadia's wedding.
yeah. can wear pretty clothes le.
but i need pretty shoes to go along.
hmm.

been living simply.
din quite bother abt wads going on.
jux simple simple de.
no happy or unhappy.

e good thing is.
no quarrels. no fighting.
dunno how long will this last.

onli noe to cherish.
n not to take it for granted.
opportunity dun come knocking twice.
dun let history repeat itself.

even if its jux a dream.
i wan to sae.
thankew.

gosh. im feeling so sick.
stomach upset.
been a couple of wks.
or had it been a month?

cant eat well. cant slp well.
no appetite.
forced moiself to eat.
eat liao feel like vomiting.
wth.

kneecap pain again.
dunno wth ish happening to mi.

mama went to c em training.
come back tel mi so many things abt USA.
samantha went b4.
sae bery cold.
need to bring medication.
need to wear thick clothings.
cannot bring too much money.
blah blah blah.

mummy. im not feeling well.
pls leave mi alone.
stop sending waves to moi ears.

im giddy. low blood pressure?
dunno.
im jux. not feeling well.

misunderstanding cleared!!
yippee yuppie!!
heehee..

hmm. so now i noe.
sumtimes its good to clear the air.
n assumptions r reali not good.
cux its not owaes correct!
rather, it will lead to misunderstanding.
den unhappiness.
haas.

oh. n to moi dear wq.
pls do not start introducing guys to mi.
i dun need em.
neither do i wan any.
i alrdy haf one living in moi heart.

even not, i stil haf e love n warmth from moi family n friends.
so pls, pls. do not start ur matchmaking.
thankew bery much.

oh. n to wb.
haha. thanx alot for ur angbao.
its one of the best present i got.
its owaes better to gif mi money
den to buy mi things tat i reali haf no idea wad to do wid it.

moi room is in such a mess now.
all the presents in e big big plastic bag.
i din even haf time.
no. i shd say i dun even haf any more space to keep em.

i still think money is more practical.
im not money-minded.
bleah.

kk. gotta go back to moi books.
got a test later.
n i had a bad dream.
dreamt of moi p6 chinese teacher.
he was so agitated.
cux i din do well for the test.
wonder how he is now.
so long neber c him.
oh yes. i dunno y.
seems like chinese teachers dote on mi alot.
n dey do haf high expectations on mi.
not onli in chinese.

so i better do well.
its alrdy the last yr in poly.
probably moi last yr of education.
u better gif ur best, wanping.
jiayou!!

tired.
reali tired.
tmr will be wk 6 of school.
one more wk n it will be holidays.
endure.

one more month.
going to quit moi job.
endure.

jux want to slack ard doing nutink.
get somebody to dote on mi.
let mi feel e sweetness in love again.

love. wad is that?
a candy or bittergourd?
a chilli padi or lemon lime?
tasted all before.
taste bud numbed.
how should it taste like?

grandpa in hospital.
been a week.
mum sae condition worsen.
go c him before u dun get to c him again.
e same words when grandma lied in hospital e other time.
hates to c em in agony.
pains moi heart.
cant cry in front of em.
gotta be strong.
grandpa, u gotta be strong.
grandma pulled over. u can do it too.
jia you!

missing somebody
one day neber contact
like end of the world

dey finali met up
n dey went out
he got jealous when she msg guys
reali jealous

did the story continue?
e picture remains blur
her heart hurts
she dun like to assume
she needs some confirmation

deep within she knew
he misses somebody
tat gal who made him changed alot

she had a dream
this time she dreamt of e goddess of mercy
e next thing tat came into her mind
tells her she needs to make a clear cut
her heart hurts

she knew tat long ago
but she hadnt been able to do so
she cudnt bear to
but she had to

tat morning
she wanted to tel him e three words
no matter how she phrased it
doesnt seems right
she ended up greeting him good morning
stupid gal

she knew one day
dey probably wud become strangers
she jux wanted to cherish
the remaining time wid him

she neber expected she wud haf this chance
is the heaven testing em?
onli heaven knows

when will be their next meeting?
next wk? next month?
or next yr?
haix.

been admiring pretty gals lately
telling all moi friends who n who getting more attractive
until dey worried im going the crooked path
told mi to get a bf
haas

yesh
n i announced i wan to get a bf
a 2mth bf
jux b4 i leave for disney
cux i noe ppl wont wait for mi anyway
its jux to make sure im still straight

in fact i am straight
i think im falling in love wid somebody
somebody whom i shdnt haf
or probably he's jux a model
somebody i hope to haf
he's a good guy
considerate n thoughtful
haas

its so hard when i wan to get one
when i dun wan dere r so many in the waiting list
like taxis
owaes nowhere in sight when i need one

went jp wid aisyah today
seems like e firx time we go shopping alone
saw a nice pair of shoes
selling onli at 29.90
but dun haf moi size
other outlets oso dun haf
haiz
saw adidas pair, $109
whow
where do i get e money?

saw a jumper. nice.
think dey going to get it for mi.
moi belated bdae present.
heehee.

dun quite like e mp4 i got for bdae.
quite a hassle if i bring overseas.
tot of selling it away n get sumtink i wan instead.
but it doesnt seems right.
haix.

see. like i said.
dun assume wad im thinking.
u'll neber get it right.
i hate ppl who make assumptions.
cant u jux ask for some confirmation?
haix.

its not easy to make a clear stand
when a once couple becomes friends
its a blessing tat dey r still in contact
tat dey can still confide in each other

when things go wrong
as they sometimes will
when the road u're trudging seems all uphill
and when u want to smile yet u have to sigh

when care is pressing u down a bit
rest if u must
but dun quit

for life is queer with its twist and turns
as everyone of us sometimes learns
and many a failure turned inside out
the silver tint of the cloud of doubt

and u never can tell how close
it may be near when it seems so far
so stick to the fight when u're hardest hit
its when things seem worst that u must not quit

haas. dunno wad to sae.
went chu shi on moi bdae.
felt kinda cheated cux i was not needed at all.
cud haf gone ubin wid moi family.
cud haf gone dating.
ended up whole day wid moi whole bunch of grandsons.
failed to turn up for bdae dinner wid moi poly mates.
failed to turn up for bdae supper wid moi frend.
felt guilty.
ppl wanted so much to celebrate wid mi.

was kinda forced to go kbox wid em.
cux i was e main.
dey planned it secretly.
told mi onli on tat day itself.
everybody was so tired after a whole day of rain n shine.
dey din let em off.
wth.

full of complaints. i hated cy for ruining moi dae.
for spoiling moi pre-scheduled programmes.
but den i think again.
dey din expect things to turn out this way either.
dey put in the effort to organize.
to gif mi a surprise.
i shd appreciate it.

yes i did.
jux tat i dun like e way he do things.
be positive.
tats wad i told moiself.

at least. i got quite a few surprise this yr.
ppl whom i seldom contact wish mi too.
moi sec schmates celebrated wid mi too.

though i break moi tradition.
every yr, since one yrs old.
dere will be a cake.
no cake this yr.
jux felt like sumtink was missing.
no cake is like not bdae.

but i got an imaginary one over e fone.
haas.
special. a touching one.
thanx alot.

quite a few presents i received.
not all yet.
moi fav grandson gave mi a special one.
to replace e lost one. its a cushion.
for mi to bring over to disney.
to cuddle mi to slp everynite.
in case i miss home too much.
so thoughtful of him.

got a mp4. haven examine how to use.
looks like a camera.
got a sports bra too.
haas. lolx.

n e wallet tat i've been using was from moi son.
he got mi a handmade card too.
nice. love it.

thanx everybody.

gosh!! im so tired!!
haven been sleeping for the past 23hrs plus!!
woke up at 530am ytd.
reach home onli at 5am today.
omg.
n im now at work.
later still got a whole list of programs.
dun let mi be under e sun.
i will faint!
i even doze off while standing.
n i nearly fall on moi back.
oh mine oh mine!!

oh. n zouk was so boring!!
e songs are so... erkk!!
luckily when we passed by another.
butter factory.
good.
at least it belongs to our generation.
n we went in free!!
haas.
cux it was like 3.45am?
n dey r closing in 15mins.
lolx!!

dun feel like going chu shi eh.
ms lollipop, can i dun meet u today?
got ppl specially take off wan to celebrate wid mi wor!!
haas.
yesh yesh. its a him. HIM!!
hopefully he will appear somewhere later.
lalala.

happy birthday to mi!! ^_^

so many dates out of the blue.
mothers' day dinner.
bbq.
clubbing.
work.
chu shi.
bdae dinner.
supper.
gosh.
going to be so drained out.
pocket going to break a big hole.
panda eyes popping out.
oh. den dere's e sch projects n CAs coming up too.
n the meet-ups next wk.
omg.
tired.
but thanx alot friends.
i feel so honoured to be so welcomed by all of u.
but..
i haf a little wish.
can u guys pls spread out ur dates e next time??
dun cramp all ur gatherings wid mi on the same day..
i dun like to be walking zombie.
cux i'll scare e hell out of u!!
haas.
thanx alot.
love u guys.

her fav grandson pass her a present today.
its big n nicely wrapped.
was curious.
but was told to open onli on the actual day.
anyway. thnx alot.

skip training today.
went sinseh.
ankle sprain.
again.
bandaged.
feel like handicapped.
so inflexible moving ard.
hurt her waist too.
e doctor smiled n said.
"u r such an easily hurt little gal"
haas.
mr doctor, im turning 19.
aint a little gal anymore.

not planning for celebrations.
mum asked her to go pulau ubin wid em.
family outing.
she said got chu shi.
her mum was like, "huh? its ur bdae leh.."
lolx. not in the mood for it anyway.
so hope e calendar will jux skip tat day, tat date.

more presents coming in.
cheer up.

everything's jux not right.
flip thru e photos.
feelings came back again.
tot it alrdy faded?

haven been able to put it down. haf i?
was jux wondering.
if one day. i go up to him n sae.
"bb, can we go back to the times we used to be?"
wad will be his reply?
think too much le ba.

went movies ytd.
mi3. nice. thrilling.
dunno y.
tot of him.
so hope so much e one sitting beside mi ish him.
haix.

dunno. everything's jux not getting right.
supposed to go chu shi.
ppl help mi take moi shoe.
yet i stil m.i.a.
im jux so slack. so restless.
so moodless.

been so easily irritated nowadays.
scolding everybody for nutink.
keeping a distance to everyone.

help!! im not moiself!!
y ish this happening to mi!!
arghhhhh!!!

she keep dreaming of him. even dreamt of him going disney wid her.
haas. she missed him too much??
probably.
she got so excited when she receives his msg.
even though it was onli a forward msg.
at least he still remember her existence.
it was like months ago.
when dey firx broke off.
n when she received a forward msg from him for the firx time.
it was e same feeling.

days ago. she told her grandsons.
she need a break. badly.
she's too tired she feel like giving up everything.
mentally + physically.
she's jux tired.
disappointed too.
to noe she's seems to be e onli one who loves dragon alot.
somehow. she feels she's not needed.
she feels kinda extra.
haiz.

had her firx cooking lesson today.
teriyaki chicken.
daddy wans her to master her cooking before she leaves for disney.
mummy bought her e ingredients while she was asleep.
see the way she put in the chicken wings.
her mum laughs.
say she's like qian jin da xiao jie.
haha.
but e dish was nice.
for the firx time.
she cooked sumtink for her mum. =)

shall cook a proper meal on mothers' day.

oh.. im getting so sick n tired of the trainings.. ppl r getting lesser.. todae not even half the numbers.. the working ones n the fallen sick ones r enuff to keep the dragon not moving.. gosh..
im jux so bored at the training today.. dey went kbox ytd.. none of em called mi along.. to think i owaes organise gatherings for em.. forget it.. im becoming more n more invisible.. one day, i will jux go missing.. moi leg is giving troubles.. i merely take a few steps back n it starts to hurt.. yesh.. n dere i start to limp again.. wth.. gotta go back for checkup one of these days..

we were jux planning for celebration this afternoon.. cux cw's bdae ish jux one day behind mine.. tot of celebrating it tgt.. was said to fix it on sat.. moi darling aisyah will be coming too.. yippee.. den again.. gotta c if kevin (cw's bf) can take off to keep her poor little darling accompany anot.. hopefully he can.. den everything will be smoothly carried out as planned..

we even tot of baking our own bdae cake.. she wans strawberry.. i wanted chocolate.. so tat will make it half of each flavour.. lolx..

cy jux reminded mi vesak day gotta chu shi.. big event.. got dragon, lion n big flag.. heard ish laoda's mum sintua.. sumore its in e morning.. wth.. am i reali going to celebrate moi dae wid e buddhas n lollipop?? da-shu say after chu shi den go happening.. haiz.. seems like i cant go missing huh?? quick.. somebody date mi on moi dae!!

was on moi way home jux now.. n saw an old auntie's wake.. one of a kind.. bery neat n tidy.. still got buddha at the side de.. bery nicely done.. den it reminded mi of the dream..

quite some time ago, i dreamt moi mum left us to another world.. she was lying in the coffin.. i was so scared when i woke up.. moi heart beat so fast.. until i saw moi mum safe n sound.. i actuali forgotten abt it le.. den e wake reminded mi again..

jux now watch da chang jin.. lady han oso die.. oh mine.. n i went sobbing in e toilet when i think of the dream i had.. oh pls.. pls do not let tat dream of mine come true.. pls dun..

where's moi darling.. can u lend mi a hug.. a real tite hug.. tel mi e dream is not going to come true.. tel mi mummy is going to live to ripe old age.. tel mi her failing health is not a signal.. tel mi mummy is going to be fine..

darling.. where r u??

i dun haf one.. ='(

im jux a nobody.. a lonely soul.. an empty shell..

when a triangle becomes parallel lines..

i give moi blessings..

cux parallel lines never meet..

thanx for the memories..

ilu.

jh asked how am i going to spend moi bdae.. i said dunno.. probably spending e nite wid moi sisters.. yearly routine.. haas.. e question keeps mi wondering.. im owaes e one organizing gatherings n surprises.. when will it be moi turn to wait for anybody's surprises?? i dun think dere will ever be ba.. im jux so envious of all those who r so fortunate..

went jb ytd wid zq dey all.. finali.. we haf been saying it for like half a yr.. haas..
it was real crowded.. how i wished e m'sia govt will improve e ventilation at the custom.. anyway.. i managed to survive.. whew!! e queue was like almost an hour.. cant imagine how did i survive thru e lack of fresh air.. n moi height ish like.. u noe..

so we went city square.. yepz.. our main purpose was shopping.. but we were hungry after tat long n tedious waiting at the custom.. so we went for lunch at secret recipe.. gosh.. i onli ate tat at singapore on thursday.. dere am i eating at the same restaurant again on sunday.. wth..

luckily dere was much more variety.. n e food did taste nice.. up to the standard.. but e service sucks.. e time we waited to be served was so much more den e time we spent on eating.. it was like double! omg.. n we waited so long for tat 3ringgit change!! well.. their service was bad.. we jux dun wan to give em tips!~ lalala...

alright.. tat shopping mall ish reali mega.. i mux say.. we actuali lost each other in e mall.. so it was like mi, zq n cw spent like abt one hr searching for e other 3.. den to realise dey actuali went back to the converse shop.. -_-!!

i guess grace was the one wid the fruitiest labour.. she bought a bag, a shirt, a sweater n a pair of clogs.. like shopping for new yr.. lolx.. hmm.. i onli bought a top.. wanted to get tat pair of canvas.. pretty nice.. n its onli abt sgd25!! but its white.. dun quite match moi clothings.. nvm.. shall look again.. e one in moi friendster is nice.. lets hope i can get sumtink similar.. ch sae he will get mi a pair for present.. cuz im owaes wearing tat old canvas.. n its going to be worn out pretty soon.. haas..

oh.. n i saw so many shawls!! saw e one i like.. n e specs!! its purple n black.. perfect!! exactly the colour im looking for.. but i saw it when e other 3 went missing.. gotta find em.. in the end.. i neber buy.. wad a waste.. yepz.. n e bikinis too!! selling at sgd35!! gosh.. i wan to go back dere again!! how i wished i had brought enuff money.. den i wud haf gotten all the bargains.. awww..

nvm.. i will be going kl in june.. hee.. was jux discussing wid mummy.. she owaes wanted to take the train.. yepz.. so we will be going via train.. im jux so excited.. shopping!! n yesh yesh.. e whole family will be going together.. i jux miss family outing.. been so long we go out together cux im owaes e missing one.. shall not work too much.. i need a break before moi disney attachment too..

im jux thinking.. i wan a fully packed bdae.. kbox till 7pm.. den go dinner.. after dinner go clubbing.. whahaha.. dunno can tahan anot.. gotta work in the morning wor.. 530am mux wake up liao.. *faint*

hopefully moi poly khakis can make it on tat day ba.. den moi plan can be fulfilled le.. if not, i gotta guai guai go chu chi n celebrate wid the buddhas le.. it jux so happens tat vesak day ish moi lunar bdae.. lolx..

counting down to moi bdae.. 10 more days to go.. 6_^