yesh!! finali can go online le!!
alright jux some updates..
im now alrdy in orlando for the second day, so its actuali tues afternoon right here now n its damn HOT!!! the sun ish reali making moi eyes close!! hmm.. im staying in a treehouse!! haha.. ok la, not bad lor.. got tv, washing machine, dryer n i even got moi own toilet in moi room. heehee.. im staying wid a friend called weiling. n another frend, vanitha, she's staying in another room. yeah, so the 2-storey apartment onli have e three of us.. lolx! but den again, its kinda inconvenient cux we'r staying in a protected wetland n i cudnt even access to internet!! arghhhh!! now using moi fren de com at vista way.. dey r all staying here, n the distance btw us is like soooo far, gotta take abt 20min bus lor.. haix. i took alot pix leh.. but no internet cant even send over.. gosh!! i cant wait to show u ppl moi beautiful photos!!
went to wal-mart ytd... n its REALLY big i must say.. its like at least 10times of Gaint!! Oh!! how can i forget this?!! alright, orlando is like m'sia!! u noe dey oso haf those electrical lines hanging above n its like far far apart den got buildings.. basically a bigger version of m'sia la. haha!! n over here its like going back to 70's lidat.. the cars all bery vintage lor.. lols!!
hmm.. im doing fine here k.. dun wori ppl. haven start work yet.. think next week ba.. alright, gtg. keep mi updated of wads going on in singapore!! i miss u ppl!!
bb, i miss u too.

e last post before i leave for disney
2hours more
n i'll be heading for the airport

honestly, i dun like parting sessions
cux i will CRY!!!
im a super emo person lor
but i'll try moi best to hold back moi tears

had a gathering wid moi sistas
i mux sae we r reali sistas
had been long since i met up wid em
but we r stil so close
n dey reali help mi lots
wid moi luggage and everything
i love em!!!!

he came
we din tok much
but im reali glad tat he turned up finali
e warmth in the hug
reali melts moi heart

im so happy today
though i cant bear to leave
but im reali contented le

*to all moi beloved friends*

ALL of u mux take good care of urslf alright
i will be away for a while
but im gonna miss u ppl like hell!!
so u r going to miss mi too!
haha
we'll keep in touch thru emails, MSN, wadeva k
n most imptly
DUN FORGET MI!!
i'll be back

bless mi ^-^

was reali pissed n disappointed
his words made moi heart boil for the whole nite
tat i almost cudnt breathe
moi heart is weak
canot be agigated

e bomb in mi
he finali litted n let it explode

surprisingly
after today's farewell dinner wid moi kids
i dun seems to be angry wid him anymore

*to moi kids*
thanx alot for the dinner
it was a simple n a little frightening though
pls do not arrange functions for granny at boxing place
i am timid as u all saw
anyway
pls take good care of urslf
i will take good care of moiself too
dun worrie
when nainai is away
pls do not misbehave
cux i'll be back
n i'll start yakking
haas
last of all
jux wanna sae
i love all of u

*to him*
i wanted reali much to scold u
yet everytime i c u i jux cudnt bring moiself to
i wanted to wake u up
jux as much as i wan to hug u tite

i saw couples locking their hands
n the ring on them
i wished we cud be like em

i noe tats not ur heartfelt words
but i reali haf no idea wad to do anymore

im leaving
u pls take good care
u noe i will worrie

e person i loved n hated e most
i stil love u so

pls do not take mi for granted
i am not a toy

problems in r/s are like hurdles
once u've jumped over it
without knowing
u'd haf overcome it

had a talk wid shizhe
was glad i had a fren like him
he made mi look at our problem from another perspective

he took 4yrs to learn how to treasure his gf
e routine life made him feel tired
finali he came to realise
it's the same for every r/s tat it becomes a routine
he once faced the problems we r facing now
n now dey r on their way to the next phase of life
all da best, moi fren

e 140days will be a test for us
a test to determine wad we reali wan

it will be hard
but we would have to endure
if we can overcome
everything will be fine

19, we r not too young, neither r we too old
there's still a long way to go

e buyer n e seller
while e buyer is waiting to be sold
e seller is still trying to get the best deal
there r cracks on the item
thus the seller needs time to consider

nobody is perfect
when u do something
think
esp towards ur loved ones
tell em how u reali feel
dun hide
dun think that u r a burden
for u'll then be owaes holding back

be true to urself
follow ur heart
for e heart nv lies

a mistake made, a lesson learnt
im sorrie i cant be perfect

was glad he finali replied
was relieved we finali could talk in peace

it takes two hands to clap
tats all i can sae

reali hope to c him before i leave
even for 5min it will be fine

i dun wan moi tears to drop
he hates to c mi in tears
i mux be STRONG!!!

all da best, gal

i tot over
i guessed i do mean something to him
if not he would not been so pissed off
rite?

somehow mummy seems to have seen him as her prospective son-in-law
somehow it goes the same for his parents

well, it all depends on us

let the period im going away be a cool-down period ba
like wad mum said
give him time
he's probably struggling too

if when i return n e feeling is still dere
den we will be tgt
if not, let it go

if i meant something to him
he will come n find me

i noe im a total disappoinment
tat he probably will never forgive mi

i dun wan to lose him
haix

call mi silly
i jux love him

i'll be waiting

these words
"pissed. i'll never forgive you. you disappointed me."
moi eyes wet again

im losing everybody

moi heart is bleeding

hubby, where r u?

finali plucked up moi courage to msg him
stil no reply

y? hubby, y?
y wont u reply mi?

its alrdy the 5th day u haven been contacting mi
e 11th day since we last had a nice talk

i've arranged all moi gatherings
e last nite in singapore is left specially for u

pls come meet mi alright?
i miss u lots

e saying, "absence makes the heart grow fonder"
how true

if u asking mi wad i reali wan
i dunno
i onli noe i feel so lost without u
i dun wan to lose u
reali cant afford to lose u again

im sorry, hubby
pls come back

didi went out for movies again
daddy mummy went chu shi
left mi n the big big house alone

today, the 4th day he din contact mi le
the 10th day we haven had a good talk

got this from the drama jux now

gal: "when a guy doesnt keep in touch with u,
its either he's angry or he has given up hope"

guy: "im not angry, im merely at a loss"

gal: "do i still have a chance?"

guy: "i'll inform u when i've come to a decision"

n they never got tgt in the end

is that wads happening to us?
he's not angry
he was disappointed
utter disappointment

i was in the wrong
have nobody to blame

the big stone in moi heart
been with mi since 2months ago
been struggling to keep moi mouth shut
terrible feeling
im sinking in

i dunno wad to say
moi tears drop again
as i was reminded of the past

i wasnt convincing enuff
to make u trust
i was so useless
tat i cudnt even keep wad belonged to us

hubby, im leaving
would u pls come back soon?

when the clock strikes 12 tonight

it would be 11th day of the war
5th day u haven been contacting mi
7days left to disney

i miss u, darling

oops im blogging again
grandpa go hospital again
or shall i say chalet?
e last time he stayed dere for almost a month
this time, dunno gg to stay how long
i dun empathise him
i pity moi mum
c her so tired taking care of him
yet he dun even listen
how can so disobedient?!!
haix

afternoon saw bb online
tried to tok to him
yet he never reply

the clock strikes 12
another 24hrs no msg, no col, no contact

last wk this day
he said to come n find mi after school
but becux of tat msg
we havent meet since

i dun wan to carry on like this
reali dun wan
but im so scared
tat one day he will msg mi
n say full stop

i dun wan to hear tat!!

jux now the AIA lady came
she was late!!
for almost an hour!!!
made us wait for her like wad
luckily i told her to come moi house
if not i would be birdding somewhere

e policy she describes
i understand
but her translation not very good
honestly i dun reali trust her
charge mi $480 for tat few papers!!
damn!!

i trust auntie more
but im worried the china company auntie intro is not reliable
n im gg america
mama sae buy america den
actuali mama oso trust auntie more
n auntie offered $370
which is $110 less!!!

haix
nvm la
alrdy pay liao
america is jux so troublesome

watch jean yip slimming prog jux now
e bf proposed to the gal leh
their story seems so alike to our story
but dey finali getting married le
congrats

as for mi?
no idea
dun even noe where is he now

he once said if he cudnt be bothered
he wudnt haf msg mi
now reali stop msging mi le
wad does tat mean?

a hint for mi?

arghhhhhhhhh!!!

damn!! moi left wrist hurts
lucky not right wrist
tmr stil got exam leh

cz msg ask to chu shi on sat
sae need alot ppl
should i go?
i stil got exam on monday
haven even touch
tats not moi primary concern actuali

rather, wad can i do even if i chu shi?
dragonball?
oh pls, spare mi
i had a reali bad experience the other time
nv eva in wlcs am i gg to lead the dragon again
phobia

n if i go chu shi
i surely will c bb
how wil i react?
how wil he react?

haix
bb, i miss u.

9 days left
9th day of the war

the no. 9 again
the date of our anniversary
the proposed date for our rom

will our story continue?

oh heaven, oh jesus, oh buddha
pls let our story continue
foreva n eva
never ending
happily eva after

i reali learnt
i shd haf tok to him instead
tell him i was tired
but never eva sae take a break

im praying everyday for his return
bless mi

one more down, three more to go
e firx time eva in moi life
i reali cudnt concentrate at all
he keep flashing in moi mind
haix
jux hope to get a C at least for SM

ytd, 24hours, no msg, no missed col
no contact at all
not even a gdnite msg anymore
this morning, woke up in fright
e firx thing tat came to moi mind
him
i checked moi fone
nutink

went home wid aisyah jux now
she said she read moi blog
from her friends link
haas
lidat oso can
somehow the world is jux so small
everybody's friends seems to noe each other somehow

she said
dun think he dun wan u
he's prob giving u the space u wanted
wan to let u concentrate
since u said to take a break

den i realise
moi 'take a break' meant to rest a while
but he seems to take it as 'break'
so, i was misunderstooded all this while
and the more i try to explain
the more it means 'break'
wth

perhaps
this might be good for us
giving each other some space to breathe
since we r both so busy right now

aisyah said
i acted prob becux i haf too many things in mind
hormones not stabilise yet
maybe ba

too many things happen
tat incident + exams + im flying off
tat incident alone is enuff to drain mi out
i guess u too

if onli u can think like her
u would have understand mi better
somehow gals n gals understand each other better
dey say, great minds think alike
i say, the same gender think alike
isnt that so?

gals owaes complain guys dun understand em
gals dun seems to understand the guys too

the 8th day of the war
10days left...

finished the firx paper
not well done
praying for 75 and above
to secure moi onli 'A'

before i went to sch
i prayed
let mi stop thinking of him during exams
it worked
i reali din
but e min exam finishes
he appeared in moi mind again

he read moi blog
caught by tat very one sentence
haix

reali dunno wad to sae
scolded the heaven ytd
y did things turn out this way?

today is the 7th day of our war
the longest of all
and it haven stop
when will this war end?
when will peace and harmony return?

i miss him
i reali do
everyday looking at moi fone
hoping to receive his msg

ytd was onli a forward msg
i dun wan forward msg
it hurts

i alrdy lose ___
i dun wan to lose u too
reali dun wan

how i hope
moi fone will ring now
wid his msg
calling mi like how he used to
msg to say stop the war
n revive peace n harmony

or come straight to find mi
dun nid to say anything
jux hug mi, tight
i will understand

hubby, where r u?

sometimes i reali wished
i hadnt send out tat msg
somtimes he din receive moi msg
y tat day de reception so good??

regrets
unforgiven mistake

i feel so helpless

hubby, i miss u.

online, online, online
im having exams tmr morning
yet im still online
i haven even finish studying
or have i?

dunno wad to study
nutink seems to get in moi head
moi mind is full of him, him, him n him

as time goes by
the picture becomes clearer
maybe we jux aint suitable
moi heart jux hurts
when tat thinking flashes

im feeling so miserable each day
i couldnt even crack a smile

jux heard the news
gotta reach airport 3hrs earlier to check in
tat will mean i gotta leave home by 3am
den slack at the airport for 3hrs
how miserable

i need some motivation
or maybe i shall jux head for moi bed
den he will appear in moi dreams again
will he?

gosh!!
he's online!!
omg
at this hour??
where is he??
at some cyber cafe??

shall i msn him??
actuali
wad r we now??

i noe we will get nowhere if things continue to be the way it is now
n till the day i finali leave
it might be the end
but wad can i do?
ask him out?
go find him?

wad does "take a break" actuali means?

was supposed to go find teacher today
end up having pains
great pains

moi lower abdomen
hope its not e operated part
had no idea wad the surgeons did to mi tat day
but e doc sae im okie when i went back for follow-up
den again, she told mi to go back for checkup in another 6wks time

i wont be in singapore, i told her
den she said alright
if u dun feel right
visit the doc overseas

haiz
pain, pain n pain
i went back to slp
onli to wake up at 1pm

wanted to check answers wid teacher
too late
now can onli depend on moiself
im aiming for an 'A', at least
well, i did quite well for moi previous 2 CAs
if i can get 80 and above for moi exam
i would be secured with an 'A'
bless mi

hubby msg mi last nite
chatted a little
he said he would send mi off
tats y he wanted to confirm the planning

e last sat in singapore
was meant to be solely for him, for mi
to spend some little moments tgt
for memories to help mi
endure lovesick for the next 140days in USA

but now
we r so unsure of each other
wouldnt it be awkward when we meet up?

i dunno
i noe i was rather cold wid m0i replies
like u said, i cant change moi attitude overnight too
i cant jux pretend nth happen on the nite i went to find u
moi heart was shattered
it sank real deep

but y? before i slept
i tot of our wedding?
n i was so excited
abt the different wedding gowns i wud be wearing
the different hairstyles
n the different pose for photo shoots
i saw how blissful we were
y were those tots running thru moi mind?

maybe, on one hand
i told moiself to forget it
yet on the other hand
i was yearning for ur return

i guess u r facing e same situation ba

its raining outside
be careful wid ur steps k

i gotta get back to moi books
having appt wid sinseh tonight
yupz, i sprained moi waist
hope tats e reason y im in pain this morning

pray. pray tat im healthy n fine.

slept at 4am woke up at 1pm
haas
piggy neh
actuali early early wake up le
jux dun wan to get up

i dreamt of him again
but not a good one ytd
i dreamt he n jj become an item
i dun wan to get out of bed
dun wan to open moi eyes
cux i noe he's not ard this time
i flipped open moi fone
no msg no missed col
in moi dreams, he's gone
in reality
perhaps, he's reali gone??

will he msg mi today?

everyday oso waiting for his msg
at least one msg tel mi he reach home le
i oso happy
ytd dun haf le
haix

im having exams this wk
haben study
yet every moment seems to be online
dunno y
maybe jux hope to c him online
everyday go to his blog
nutink new
wonder how he's doing

i tried to study
but study half way jiu cry
automatic de
den after tat jiu canot concentrate le
haix

wb scolded mi
y i reply him so cold
was thinking if i haf added a "why" in the last msg
perhaps he would haf reply
now wan to ask oso dunno how to phrase
haix

told moiself to stop thinking abt him
sumhow i jux cudnt
i sae wish mi love luck
tat stupid monkey wished mi find somebody better

im sorry
i am jux so stubborn
i dun wan anybody else

i onli wan him

was viewing e photos we took last time
so sweet sweet n loving leh
haha
reali miss those times
nutink to do jiu take photos
zi lian hor
lalala

one whole day nv contact him leh
cant imagine how i do it
i promised not to pester him
he said he needs time

went for grandma's bdae dinner
at coffeeshop
dunno wad wind blowing today
everybody reach leh!!
e eight cousins + all moi aunties uncles + anan tat batch
n moi grandma n grandpa
bery long nv all gather le
how great would it be
if everytime got gatherings all oso can reach
e big big family
moi lovely family

den reach home hear didi sae e movie he watched last nite
listen until i almost fall asleep
he reali sae every scene lor
wth
den moi fone rang
1 new sms
guess who?

its moi hubby darling leh!!
nv expected to be him
onli two words
"sat how?"
tot he msg wrong ppl
i replied, "huh?"
den he ask, "u not flying off meh?"
i replied, "huh.. yupz.. next next sunday.."
den he nv reply le
haix

is he trying to ask mi out?
as we agreed on earlier?

haix
dunno
dun dare to probe oso

maybe its moi wishful thinking ba
gal, dun think too much

was chatting wid norman
moi fav grandson
he sae his gf waiting for him to propose le
haha
good!!
soon, i will have moi granny tea le
yeah!!

how i wish hubby propose to mi too
before i fly
give mi a ring he made himself
n sae he'll wait for mi
awww
how romantic
haha

haix
now can onli dream dream ba

if dreaming can make mi feel better
let mi continue dreaming
dun wake mi up

she then realised
when she toks abt the topic wid others
she can be so calm n clear
she noes exactly wad one should do
she noes clearly how the other party will feel for each action

but when it comes to her
she becomes crazy
she becomes so lost
she dunno wad she should or should not do

love is blind
how true

was watching e ndp recast
a mux watch program every yr
e last time in national stadium
memories
was touched when e national songs were sang
e fireworks, i missed it

tat day, the last day we went out
i asked but din insist in going
actuali i tot how great if we can watch fireworks tgt
i brought moi camera
wanted to capture beautiful moments

tat day, the last day he held moi hand
e last day he called mi baobei
haix

dreamt of him again
almost everyday he appears in moi dream
e dream
i cudnt slp
but i held on to his hand
e warmth tat make mi feel so secured
make mi fell asleep so peacefully

jux like tat time, when i was hospitalized
i woke up in nightmares
it was scary
but when i opened moi eyes
he was right beside mi
i held on to his hand
n i fell asleep watching him
e warmth
i felt so secured
n i fell asleep again, peacefully

e hand
tat gave mi warmth n security
im losing it

how i wish
i was never discharged
den he would be dere for mi
everyday

moi one n onli
hubby, i miss u.

tok to joan ytd
im sorry i made her cry
she dun understand e situation i am in
when i sae big prob it means big
i cant breathe a word out
of wad actuali happen
not at all
all i can sae is
a lifetime guilt n regret

finali manage to tok to hubby
for more den one msg
things din turn out well
he's disappointed wid moi actions

i can onli sae
though i dun dare to expect much
i did wan to cherish
for as long as i can
it wasnt like wad u think

i noe everything i sae now is useless
haix

he came back surely for a good reason, rite?

cux he stil haf feelings for u, isnt it?

he did care for u
if not y wud he bother to visit u when u were in hospital?
and felt sorry when he had no time for u?

haf u eva wonder perhaps its too much for him this time?
u owaes kept ur feelings to urslf
n all of a sudden u burst out everything
would u be able to take it if u were e one in his situation?

sometimes i wish he would spare a tot for mi
well, if he hadnt
he wouldnt even bother to tel u he has reached home

dats e difference btw a guy n gal
e guy dun understand e gal
neither do e gal understand e guy

n when dey keep everything to emself
deytot dey r helping to improve e r/s
in fact
dey r causing miscommunication

isnt tat e primary reason for ur disputes?
u said u trusted him
den y do u stil doubt him?

i trusted
but im a human
i haf feelings too
when he's close to gals
i get reali jealous
he gets jealous too when im wid guys!!

oh well
perhaps e two of u jux dun haf confidence in urslf
u do trust each other
its e other party tat u dun trust
voice out den
y keep ur feelings to urslf?

he's not e worm in ur stomach
he wouldnt noe how u feel when u dun tel him
u let him be
so he tot u r ok wid it
if u r not feeling good abt it
tel him!!
he haf e right to noe!!

since u two decided to be tgt
u guys shd try to compromise
be honest wid each other
keep each other informed of ur whereabouts
even if u r gg out wid e opposite gender
at least u did inform him/her
dun hide anything

tat time
it was becux u guys decided not to voice out anymore
u guys tot each other shd understand n noe how u feels
tats y it accumulated
until one day
he feel so tired
he needed a break
isnt it?

u dun wan history to repeat
den dun do e same thing
it was him who felt tired e other time
now ur turn
wad the hell r u two doing?

rmb wad his daddy said?
now u all canot quarrel like last time
mux peacefully tok

see la
bu ting lao ren yan chi kui zai yan qian

y u so chong dong?
now make urslf so miserable?
u enjoy this kind of feeling meh?
stupid u!!

finali decided to leave him alone
let him cool down
e words u said
r making him having second tots
u silly gal
this time u reali made a great mistake!!
u gotta wake up n learn!!

dun take things for granted
dun eva!!

ur fone will probably be real quiet for quite some time
he probably will not contact u for quite some time
u gotta eat ur desserts
u deserved it, gal

stop pestering him, alright?
u promised him u wont
use this time for ur revision ba
exams coming
its gg to be e last time u r taking exams in school
give off ur best shot, k?
u wanted grade 'a's
how would u be able to achieve if u dun buck up?

stop thinking abt wads gg to happen
leave him alone
he needs time to think
u said u dun wan to add on to his stress
yet u throw a big bomb at him
wth

u noe him
he's not gg to bother until all his things r done
he haf no time to entertain ur nonsense
n he dun wan to
haix

now i onli hope
he would keep mi accompany on the 26th
thereafter i would be flying le
5mths later
nobody noes wad wil happen
moi onli wish
is to hear him col mi baobei
hold moi hand n hug mi tight

haix.

fuck off terrorists!!
of all things y u choose liquid?!!
now i cant even bring a bottle of water to quench moi thirst
cant even bring moi cam to capture memories on plane
damn u!!

cant imagine im gg to travel in one of their targeted airlines
n to their no1 target country
moi life is at stake
whahahaha

haix
i disappointed him
now he wont even bother abt mi
forgive n forget?
how i wish
life's been miserable
its so terrible to wait for him to col
2days le

terrorists terrorists
bomb mi ba
save mi from all these misery
i keep making mistakes
n im not forgiven

i alrdy regretted n apologise le
alrdy lower down moi pride
alrdy gave in le
wad else can i do?

darling
wad u wan mi to do?

never could i imagine family pressure can be tat great
went for checkup today
e same environment
a heavy heart
e bed where i slept on
where love was felt

it was them who forced mi to make tat decision i refused
i struggled n i dragged on
i had nobody to talk to
end up, i gave in

a moment mistake
forever guilt n regrets

i paid a high price for that mistake
din i?

i am not happy
so tired that u ppl keep giving mi negative comments
since tats wad u all wan
fine
i gave way again

he said he will do anything so long i listen to him tat once
cux he owe mi
im sorry
but deres nutink u can do to repay mi
not even ur life
i dun blame u

jux take good care of urself
find a good gal
somebody whom u reali love n whom can reali understands u
stay happy n blissful
tats wad u can do for mi

dun wori abt mi
i will never be involved in bgr eva again
moi heart sank
given up hope
pressure from all sides
i cant take it anymore

moi words stil holds though
for he's e one n only i eva fell so deeply in love with
e one whom i was ready to make any sacrifices
moi one n only hubby
in moi heart, moi mind, moi life
i said i will not marry anyone but him
i meant it
be it the past, now or future

i alrdy lost moi loved one
i dun wan to lose another
but it pains mi to c him so tired
since he's so tired
i should give him a break
for im tired too

sigh.. i finali blurted it all out. but it din make mi feel better, i felt worse. no appetite at all. lost moi concentration. all i cud do was to lie on moi bed.

tears and pain non-stop, it hurts. it reali hurts.

he din reply e last msg but he stil msg mi when he reach home. haix. i rather he scold mi now. for once, i missed his scoldings.

saw e photo he took wid jj, so sweet. yepz, jealous. i am.

i brought moi camera, was all so excited to meet him. i wanted so much to take a photo wid him. so at least when i miss him i can stil 'see' him. no. e real reason was becux i wanted to prepare a present for him. e bdae present i owed him. looks like i never will have e chance again.

opportunities dun come knocking twice. he came back. n i took it for granted. i told moiself to cherish. but i never seems to know what the word means.

e date. 9th. seems to haf lost its significance.

perhaps tat incident reali changed mi. im no longer moiself. moi emotions can be so unstable till im becoming mad. i hate moiself. sometimes i jux feel like leaving the world.

e cheerful little princess is no longer around. e gal full of laughters n motivation is no longer around.

im now nothing but an empty shell. no longer know who i am.

i missed moi old self. moi soul, where did u go?

counting down. another 16days more.

will he still be around to tolerate moi nonsense? will i still be able to hold his hand n hear him call mi baobei?

i haf no confidence at all. not a slight bit. lost confidence in moiself. i haf absolute no idea wad im doing. moi emotions are driving mi mad.

he has been there all the while. he was there when i needed him most.

gal, y r u so silly?

u noe u wont be able to let him go. u knew wad he had done for u. y cudnt u calm down?

u were e one who initiated. den y r u crying?

arghhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i hate moiself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

im tired, i reali am
being sandwiched btw moi mum n him aint any good feeling
he dun seems to care so much
or maybe he does
i jux cant feel it

i woke up in nightmares
i was burning moi bro in the public
murderer
yes i am

for a while
i was crazy
moi eyes were full of hatred n killings
i nearly went mad
i reali did

standing by the edge of a cliff
pls stop pushing mi
nobody understands exactly how im feeling deep inside
im no longer moiself
e bad angel in mi is taking over
pls stop wad u r doing
cux one day
i might
jux jump off without saying goodbye

finali met darling today!!
yippee!!
jux simply love those little moments wid him
jux a while i oso contented
whahaha

i bought a pair of shoes today leh
finali found sumtink i reali like
its a multi-purpose one wor
n its white!!
moi favourite color
im going to bring to disney
heehee

oh
i might not be stopping over at japan le
cux e $150 tix sold out le
damn
so sad neh
since sec 3 i've been crazy abt gg japan
i reali wan to go so much
yet everytime oso canot go
arghhhh!!!
lets pray i can make it this time

heard e taka list come out le
wlcs n cs n ns n lt all same dae wor
whow
gg to be a great show
wad a pity im gg to miss it
damn
y do i haf to fly so early??
if sept den fly
i wud at least be able to catch a glimpse of taka
stil rmb got one yr i rush from airport to go taka watch comp wor
wid moi luggage leh!!
lolx

hmm
hubby competing leh
mux jia you wor
bb gif u moral support!!

gosh
im jux so happy today
i oso dunno y
maybe becux i met moi darling?
whahaha

v tired liao
gdnite

alright so i slept for e whole day today
it's saturday
but darling had to work
haix

ytd was e last day of sch
nv had to return again except for exams
cant imagine
im alrdy third yr
n im leaving real soon for disney
kinda miss sch

moi grandsons r booking mi on e 25th
cux im supposed to haf a date on e 26th
shant remind him
lets c if he remembers im leaving

din contact him for 24hrs
jux dun feel like
n it dun seems to bother him
feel like hugging him to slp
but he's out dere chilling out again
haix

sometimes i reali wonder
how impt am i to him?
when it comes to chu shi, im nowhere
when it comes to gatherings, im nowhere
so, where am i?

e time we spent tgt is so much much lesser
he's so occupied wid sch from mon to fri
sat he gotta work
sun he got training
one wk seven days
not even a day spared for mi

21days left
forget it
exams coming
gal, concentrate on ur studies ba
stop being love sick

ytd help mama celebrate bdae
was a simple one
jux a little cake n a bdae song
but felt so warmth n nice
simply love e feeling

later going to celebrate darling's papa n didi bdae
cant imagine i was invited for e dinner
tot ish hubby ask mi go
end up ish his mama ask mi to go along
lolx!!

was watching last nite 9pm drama
e weixiang so romantic
mummy oso agree leh
if onli im e female lead
awww

moi darling so woodblock
mummy oso sae daddy like woodblock
lolx!!
nvm la
woodblock den woodblock lor
wad to do
he love mi jiu hao
haha

hmm
went for briefing ytd
moi flight confirm le wor
27th aug, sunday
0645am
0430am mux reach airport liao wor
omg!!

tried to pack moi luggage
den end up
clothes oso haven put in alrdy full liao
tat means alot things canot bring leh
*shake head*

downstairs pap kids singing national song leh
so huai nian
last time i oso like em
sing national song in sch
now dun haf liao
another half yr i gg to graduate liao
time reali fly leh
this time is reali graduate liao
cux dun think i gg university

oops
gtg liao
mux go bathe den go meet moi darling n his family liao
whahaha

signing off

y do a fallen leaf stil sticks ard a tree?
y should e leaf still corrode n becomes its fertilizer?
y when e tree abandon e leaf stil return?

the leaf returns when the others told it to go.
the leaf kept quiet when e weather turns cold.
the turning point of its life.
it cries alone at night.
nobody cares.
the tree dun bother.
a leaf less means no significance.
perhaps, the leaf's existence was never noticed.

tired.
giving up.