seems like coming online has become a habit, jux dun feel right if moi laptop is left to rot. anyway, went to chinatown for the lightings jux now. i mux sae the planning sux. wonder who's in charge, make us walk up n down, up n down for at least a dozen times. oh, n we had to climb over the fence for couple times too. -_-!! n i was running high fever. imagine a sick person walking up n down the streets, in the rain sumore. alright, the rain wasnt tat bad. more like a drizzle. still, there were a couple times i jux feel like fainting to spare mi from all the moving. i was literally dragging moi feet as if there were chains on them. it was tat bad okay? i jux dun feel right. whole body was aching, body temperature interchanging between hot n cold. totally no appetite n strength at all. den, for goodness sake, reminds mi of somebody.
for a second, i was confused not knowing whether wad i did was right. after reading his tagboard, he seems perfectly fine. or maybe not, he tends to hide his feelings. somehow, i have a feeling things r not going right for him. i dunno y, but im usually quite accurate. lets hope im wrong this time.

07 年生日过就20岁了
想了想女人的青春有限
对我一点都不在乎，不重视
我何必再渴望当初的甜蜜？

想必所欠的债他是不会还的了
无论怎么追讨都没用
就当作做善事吧

虽然他欠我的
即使用生命也无法还
就当作是我上辈子欠他的

三年的拖拖拉拉
之间他都交了3，4个女朋友
我为何还那么死心塌地？

决定彻底的放弃了
是时候为自己而活了

如果他真的在乎
他会懂得怎么做
可惜一直都是我一厢情愿

read his recent post, sigh. guess he got somebody new again. aiyo, y am i sighing. dunno la. y, y he could feel guilt n regret to somebody but not mi? y he can care whether ppl hate him anot but not mi? y am i of no standing at all? BEN DAN!! WAKE UP WAKE UP!! cz sae he missed mi when i was in the states. sigh. when i was in the states onli bah. now come back liao, treatment oso different liao. am i reali so irritating?

im bored. VERY bored. i wan to go K.. nobody to go with mi. i wan to go watch movie. nobody go with mi. i wan a date leh. no patuo, no date. valentine coming. no valentine. y so jialat???
aiya, no date no date la.. last yr oso no date. anyway, im going to be working on v-dae so shouldnt be too much of loneliness. but hor.. y am i working when ppl are sweet-honeying?? aiya, wadever la.. single or attached or married or divorce.. wadever ur status, life still goes on.

n why why why??? becux of tat $300 bucks, now im stuck. i canot go interview cux i canot start work immediately. if i start work, tat feb job sure clash. but i alrdy promised zq.. canot back out la. aiyo, becux of $300.. im giving up better opportunities. if not, i could be earning at least $1000++. nope, i think moi min wage can hit $1400 at least. alamak, i stil wan to learn driving de leh. n moi university fees. darn.

for some reason, i deleted the posts. i dunno y, but since its affecting them tat much. somehow, i still wan to protect their diginity. rumours can spread n it can get real ugly. i dun wan it to start wid mi. moi tots offended them. got them realli agitated n uptight. i have nutink to sae. i wan to go back but deep inside i knew, im the last person dey wan to see. cux when im ard, trouble follows. somehow, i seems to be a troublemaker, i dunno y. every single thing i do is wrong. moi every movement is being watched n criticised. being looked down, n outcast is not a nice feeling.
sometimes i wonder, could it been better if i never come back? i lost the sense of belonging.
im tired. leave mi alone.

tot of study uni, did online reseach, ask teacher.. den to realise one cruel fact
moi family couldnt afford
fees for uni is damn ex
plus moi bro stil studying
mum sae sell house
sigh
forget it
dun study le
be realistic
find a job bah

he msg mi ytd
ask mi where am i
den no reply
today, again ask mi where im going later
again, no reply
dunno wad he's up to

tok to his mum ytd
his mum as usual so excited
she's probably the same wid everybody bah
keep asking mi for dinner
anything lor
lets wait n c if she remembers to call
haas

went to help grace bring tour ytd
to be exact, is follower onli
actual is tmr
go national museum
aiseh, now high tech liao leh
self-guided tour wid the help of "companion"
but.. i dun like
i stil prefer reading the words from the boards
haas

den went back for moi dragon training
no longer the same le
sp mess up le
cux laoda din hand over, he threw over
i wan to pull sp tgt
i dun haf to do so but jux cudnt bear to see it fall
its a big challenge
no idea if i can make it
dun even noe where to start

dashu sae let yongjin run by us
the mixture of the poly grads+wc+dunno who n who
he said he held a meeting before
n many were interested
good lor
at least grad liao stil got place to go

wad abt mi?
i wan to go back moi hometown
the place where i nv left before, not at all
but everybody tot i peng
i din comment on anything
xin zhi du ming jiu hao
i join sp to learn dragon ball
dashu is from weijin, he came to teach sp dragon
im close wid em cux we get along
but i nv joined em
dere was a line in between all along
tat's all

there's a reason y i nv been to wlcs for long
n the reason is clear
nv been doesnt mean i left
i was born there
but i learn nutink there
too many ppl too little opportunities
even when in sp
i had a goal in mind
i wanted to be trained well
to go back n bring proud to wlcs
wad a big ambition
nv will be fulfilled

i am so hungry, so tired now
i need moi beauty sleep!!!!!
haven been sleeping much lately
appetite oso becoming smaller
speech oso lesser
wad happened to the "cheerleader"???

woke up early to pick up moi photos
tonnes of photos
first time ever needed a big red bag to bring back moi photos
917pcs okay? got it?

den met fx for lunch at causeway
fx become more obedient le sia
hmm.. ppl do change over time, i guess
ate qiu lian ban mian
hmm, the standard seems to drop le leh..
but long time nv eat so anything la
cant believe i was full wid onli half a bowl
gosh!
i used to eat ALOT!!

nvm.. den went walk walk
while waiting for fx outside courts
look at the escalator n remind mi of the past
sigh

den? go pasar malam walk one round go home le
im onli out for like 1 n 1/2hr
moi goodness
the tot of going home = sians
but bo bian, fx had early lessons
never slp last nite
wanna go home slp
nvm lor

go home sort pics
took one whole day to sort them out n put them into album
finali done
look back at the photos
i miss the times in disney
it was so much fun
so much more relaxing
n more meaningful

at least i have sumtink to do when i was dere
now, im jux like a wandering soul
leading an aimless life

friends, mum all ask mi to go find work
but.. if u recall
i went straight to the states after moi exams
i nid to rest de leh
im no robot
canot pia all the way
even robots need rest
n i mean PLENTY of rest

dunno y, ppl keep asking mi the same question
n moi answer is the same for all who is interested
"nope, no ang moh bf"
thanx for ur concern

now tat im back from the states
im feeling EXTREME bored in sing
maybe im stil adapting?

went to meet moi slk gang
no longer close wid em
i was kinda quiet throughout
even wid moi best buddy
dere seems not much to tok abt

went to help jjc wid their dragon
glad tat im stil able to help
at least i stil rmb how to dance the dragon
been so many months since i last held the dragon ball
i should sae moi pfm today is not bad bah

n dey r so shocked when moi mum sae i jux came back
"came back from where?"
"from the states"
the next immediate reaction, "how old are u?"
lolx.
as usual i guess
the previous batch i lead was shocked when dey find out im older too
=)

bought a cloth wardrobe today
japanese type
now moi room looks so cramp
i dun like tat
i like it spacious
shall do some shifting tmr

n guess wad
i finali went to develop moi photos
n it came up to 917pcs!!
which was equivalent to $275.10
moi goodness!
actuali im ok wid it
until i found out i can save $88 if i had gone to kodak
nvm
forget it
so long moi pics are nice
tat would be good enuff

or perhaps im used to emperor's life
im spending money like water
tat will not do
shall start doing accounts
need to learn saving!!

im bored

on moi last day, i din cry
on the plane back, i din cry
but when i see singapore from above, moi tears dropped

i came back so excited to see everybody
their reaction was onli "you're back"
some dun even noe i was overseas for the past few months

called his daddy to sae im home
he needs to take a while to remember who i am
...
saw him today
he was jux beside
he din see mi
nice to see him again anyway

ask him to choose between mickey, donald n goofy
he like none of them
somehow felt hurt
wanted to give him a keychain
he wan none of it
bought him a mickey vintage shirt
will he wear it?
or hang it in the wardrobe to rot?
haix.

mummy watched mi sort the souvenirs
sae i waste money
saw the jeans n skirts i bought
sae i waste money again
sigh.

i pay everything wid moi salary
i work hard to earn much
to reward myself n all i get is "waste money"

i see the high rise buildings
i took pics in malls
saleslady said cannot take pics

im not getting used to it
i wan to go back orlando
this is not moi home
no sense of belonging
nope.

was sitting in the bus back from costuming, the driver was playing some soothing mexican songs.. the sky, the scenery, everything.. first time ever paid attention to it.. the sky was blue.. nice blue.. n the clouds were low.. seems so low that its touching the trees.. the sun looks so warmth.. but the weather was cooling.. wad a beautiful day.. moi best ever vacation in usa, alone.

despite i came here alone, without moi family, the first time away from home, so far.. i love it here. the freedom, the comfortness, the friendliness, moi friends, MSE. the tot of leaving this place, moi eyes start to wet.

here, im leading an emperor's life. i live moi own life. i earn for moi keep. bread n water when im penniless. shopping, shopping n more shopping when im rich. everything's coming to an end. end.

i shall bring the happiness here back home, and leave the unhappiness here.
keep smiling. keep believing. dreams will come true.

i will go back home n melt all ur hearts with moi sweetness. beware. im coming. =P