sigh.. i finali blurted it all out. but it din make mi feel better, i felt worse. no appetite at all. lost moi concentration. all i cud do was to lie on moi bed.

tears and pain non-stop, it hurts. it reali hurts.

he din reply e last msg but he stil msg mi when he reach home. haix. i rather he scold mi now. for once, i missed his scoldings.

saw e photo he took wid jj, so sweet. yepz, jealous. i am.

i brought moi camera, was all so excited to meet him. i wanted so much to take a photo wid him. so at least when i miss him i can stil 'see' him. no. e real reason was becux i wanted to prepare a present for him. e bdae present i owed him. looks like i never will have e chance again.

opportunities dun come knocking twice. he came back. n i took it for granted. i told moiself to cherish. but i never seems to know what the word means.

e date. 9th. seems to haf lost its significance.

perhaps tat incident reali changed mi. im no longer moiself. moi emotions can be so unstable till im becoming mad. i hate moiself. sometimes i jux feel like leaving the world.

e cheerful little princess is no longer around. e gal full of laughters n motivation is no longer around.

im now nothing but an empty shell. no longer know who i am.

i missed moi old self. moi soul, where did u go?

counting down. another 16days more.

will he still be around to tolerate moi nonsense? will i still be able to hold his hand n hear him call mi baobei?

i haf no confidence at all. not a slight bit. lost confidence in moiself. i haf absolute no idea wad im doing. moi emotions are driving mi mad.

he has been there all the while. he was there when i needed him most.

gal, y r u so silly?

u noe u wont be able to let him go. u knew wad he had done for u. y cudnt u calm down?

u were e one who initiated. den y r u crying?

arghhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i hate moiself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!