finished the firx paper
not well done
praying for 75 and above
to secure moi onli 'A'

before i went to sch
i prayed
let mi stop thinking of him during exams
it worked
i reali din
but e min exam finishes
he appeared in moi mind again

he read moi blog
caught by tat very one sentence
haix

reali dunno wad to sae
scolded the heaven ytd
y did things turn out this way?

today is the 7th day of our war
the longest of all
and it haven stop
when will this war end?
when will peace and harmony return?

i miss him
i reali do
everyday looking at moi fone
hoping to receive his msg

ytd was onli a forward msg
i dun wan forward msg
it hurts

i alrdy lose ___
i dun wan to lose u too
reali dun wan

how i hope
moi fone will ring now
wid his msg
calling mi like how he used to
msg to say stop the war
n revive peace n harmony

or come straight to find mi
dun nid to say anything
jux hug mi, tight
i will understand

hubby, where r u?

sometimes i reali wished
i hadnt send out tat msg
somtimes he din receive moi msg
y tat day de reception so good??

regrets
unforgiven mistake

i feel so helpless

hubby, i miss u.

online, online, online
im having exams tmr morning
yet im still online
i haven even finish studying
or have i?

dunno wad to study
nutink seems to get in moi head
moi mind is full of him, him, him n him

as time goes by
the picture becomes clearer
maybe we jux aint suitable
moi heart jux hurts
when tat thinking flashes

im feeling so miserable each day
i couldnt even crack a smile

jux heard the news
gotta reach airport 3hrs earlier to check in
tat will mean i gotta leave home by 3am
den slack at the airport for 3hrs
how miserable

i need some motivation
or maybe i shall jux head for moi bed
den he will appear in moi dreams again
will he?

gosh!!
he's online!!
omg
at this hour??
where is he??
at some cyber cafe??

shall i msn him??
actuali
wad r we now??

i noe we will get nowhere if things continue to be the way it is now
n till the day i finali leave
it might be the end
but wad can i do?
ask him out?
go find him?

wad does "take a break" actuali means?

was supposed to go find teacher today
end up having pains
great pains

moi lower abdomen
hope its not e operated part
had no idea wad the surgeons did to mi tat day
but e doc sae im okie when i went back for follow-up
den again, she told mi to go back for checkup in another 6wks time

i wont be in singapore, i told her
den she said alright
if u dun feel right
visit the doc overseas

haiz
pain, pain n pain
i went back to slp
onli to wake up at 1pm

wanted to check answers wid teacher
too late
now can onli depend on moiself
im aiming for an 'A', at least
well, i did quite well for moi previous 2 CAs
if i can get 80 and above for moi exam
i would be secured with an 'A'
bless mi

hubby msg mi last nite
chatted a little
he said he would send mi off
tats y he wanted to confirm the planning

e last sat in singapore
was meant to be solely for him, for mi
to spend some little moments tgt
for memories to help mi
endure lovesick for the next 140days in USA

but now
we r so unsure of each other
wouldnt it be awkward when we meet up?

i dunno
i noe i was rather cold wid m0i replies
like u said, i cant change moi attitude overnight too
i cant jux pretend nth happen on the nite i went to find u
moi heart was shattered
it sank real deep

but y? before i slept
i tot of our wedding?
n i was so excited
abt the different wedding gowns i wud be wearing
the different hairstyles
n the different pose for photo shoots
i saw how blissful we were
y were those tots running thru moi mind?

maybe, on one hand
i told moiself to forget it
yet on the other hand
i was yearning for ur return

i guess u r facing e same situation ba

its raining outside
be careful wid ur steps k

i gotta get back to moi books
having appt wid sinseh tonight
yupz, i sprained moi waist
hope tats e reason y im in pain this morning

pray. pray tat im healthy n fine.

slept at 4am woke up at 1pm
haas
piggy neh
actuali early early wake up le
jux dun wan to get up

i dreamt of him again
but not a good one ytd
i dreamt he n jj become an item
i dun wan to get out of bed
dun wan to open moi eyes
cux i noe he's not ard this time
i flipped open moi fone
no msg no missed col
in moi dreams, he's gone
in reality
perhaps, he's reali gone??

will he msg mi today?

everyday oso waiting for his msg
at least one msg tel mi he reach home le
i oso happy
ytd dun haf le
haix

im having exams this wk
haben study
yet every moment seems to be online
dunno y
maybe jux hope to c him online
everyday go to his blog
nutink new
wonder how he's doing

i tried to study
but study half way jiu cry
automatic de
den after tat jiu canot concentrate le
haix

wb scolded mi
y i reply him so cold
was thinking if i haf added a "why" in the last msg
perhaps he would haf reply
now wan to ask oso dunno how to phrase
haix

told moiself to stop thinking abt him
sumhow i jux cudnt
i sae wish mi love luck
tat stupid monkey wished mi find somebody better

im sorry
i am jux so stubborn
i dun wan anybody else

i onli wan him

was viewing e photos we took last time
so sweet sweet n loving leh
haha
reali miss those times
nutink to do jiu take photos
zi lian hor
lalala

one whole day nv contact him leh
cant imagine how i do it
i promised not to pester him
he said he needs time

went for grandma's bdae dinner
at coffeeshop
dunno wad wind blowing today
everybody reach leh!!
e eight cousins + all moi aunties uncles + anan tat batch
n moi grandma n grandpa
bery long nv all gather le
how great would it be
if everytime got gatherings all oso can reach
e big big family
moi lovely family

den reach home hear didi sae e movie he watched last nite
listen until i almost fall asleep
he reali sae every scene lor
wth
den moi fone rang
1 new sms
guess who?

its moi hubby darling leh!!
nv expected to be him
onli two words
"sat how?"
tot he msg wrong ppl
i replied, "huh?"
den he ask, "u not flying off meh?"
i replied, "huh.. yupz.. next next sunday.."
den he nv reply le
haix

is he trying to ask mi out?
as we agreed on earlier?

haix
dunno
dun dare to probe oso

maybe its moi wishful thinking ba
gal, dun think too much

was chatting wid norman
moi fav grandson
he sae his gf waiting for him to propose le
haha
good!!
soon, i will have moi granny tea le
yeah!!

how i wish hubby propose to mi too
before i fly
give mi a ring he made himself
n sae he'll wait for mi
awww
how romantic
haha

haix
now can onli dream dream ba

if dreaming can make mi feel better
let mi continue dreaming
dun wake mi up

she then realised
when she toks abt the topic wid others
she can be so calm n clear
she noes exactly wad one should do
she noes clearly how the other party will feel for each action

but when it comes to her
she becomes crazy
she becomes so lost
she dunno wad she should or should not do

love is blind
how true

was watching e ndp recast
a mux watch program every yr
e last time in national stadium
memories
was touched when e national songs were sang
e fireworks, i missed it

tat day, the last day we went out
i asked but din insist in going
actuali i tot how great if we can watch fireworks tgt
i brought moi camera
wanted to capture beautiful moments

tat day, the last day he held moi hand
e last day he called mi baobei
haix

dreamt of him again
almost everyday he appears in moi dream
e dream
i cudnt slp
but i held on to his hand
e warmth tat make mi feel so secured
make mi fell asleep so peacefully

jux like tat time, when i was hospitalized
i woke up in nightmares
it was scary
but when i opened moi eyes
he was right beside mi
i held on to his hand
n i fell asleep watching him
e warmth
i felt so secured
n i fell asleep again, peacefully

e hand
tat gave mi warmth n security
im losing it

how i wish
i was never discharged
den he would be dere for mi
everyday

moi one n onli
hubby, i miss u.

tok to joan ytd
im sorry i made her cry
she dun understand e situation i am in
when i sae big prob it means big
i cant breathe a word out
of wad actuali happen
not at all
all i can sae is
a lifetime guilt n regret

finali manage to tok to hubby
for more den one msg
things din turn out well
he's disappointed wid moi actions

i can onli sae
though i dun dare to expect much
i did wan to cherish
for as long as i can
it wasnt like wad u think

i noe everything i sae now is useless
haix

he came back surely for a good reason, rite?

cux he stil haf feelings for u, isnt it?

he did care for u
if not y wud he bother to visit u when u were in hospital?
and felt sorry when he had no time for u?

haf u eva wonder perhaps its too much for him this time?
u owaes kept ur feelings to urslf
n all of a sudden u burst out everything
would u be able to take it if u were e one in his situation?

sometimes i wish he would spare a tot for mi
well, if he hadnt
he wouldnt even bother to tel u he has reached home

dats e difference btw a guy n gal
e guy dun understand e gal
neither do e gal understand e guy

n when dey keep everything to emself
deytot dey r helping to improve e r/s
in fact
dey r causing miscommunication

isnt tat e primary reason for ur disputes?
u said u trusted him
den y do u stil doubt him?

i trusted
but im a human
i haf feelings too
when he's close to gals
i get reali jealous
he gets jealous too when im wid guys!!

oh well
perhaps e two of u jux dun haf confidence in urslf
u do trust each other
its e other party tat u dun trust
voice out den
y keep ur feelings to urslf?

he's not e worm in ur stomach
he wouldnt noe how u feel when u dun tel him
u let him be
so he tot u r ok wid it
if u r not feeling good abt it
tel him!!
he haf e right to noe!!

since u two decided to be tgt
u guys shd try to compromise
be honest wid each other
keep each other informed of ur whereabouts
even if u r gg out wid e opposite gender
at least u did inform him/her
dun hide anything

tat time
it was becux u guys decided not to voice out anymore
u guys tot each other shd understand n noe how u feels
tats y it accumulated
until one day
he feel so tired
he needed a break
isnt it?

u dun wan history to repeat
den dun do e same thing
it was him who felt tired e other time
now ur turn
wad the hell r u two doing?

rmb wad his daddy said?
now u all canot quarrel like last time
mux peacefully tok

see la
bu ting lao ren yan chi kui zai yan qian

y u so chong dong?
now make urslf so miserable?
u enjoy this kind of feeling meh?
stupid u!!

finali decided to leave him alone
let him cool down
e words u said
r making him having second tots
u silly gal
this time u reali made a great mistake!!
u gotta wake up n learn!!

dun take things for granted
dun eva!!

ur fone will probably be real quiet for quite some time
he probably will not contact u for quite some time
u gotta eat ur desserts
u deserved it, gal

stop pestering him, alright?
u promised him u wont
use this time for ur revision ba
exams coming
its gg to be e last time u r taking exams in school
give off ur best shot, k?
u wanted grade 'a's
how would u be able to achieve if u dun buck up?

stop thinking abt wads gg to happen
leave him alone
he needs time to think
u said u dun wan to add on to his stress
yet u throw a big bomb at him
wth

u noe him
he's not gg to bother until all his things r done
he haf no time to entertain ur nonsense
n he dun wan to
haix

now i onli hope
he would keep mi accompany on the 26th
thereafter i would be flying le
5mths later
nobody noes wad wil happen
moi onli wish
is to hear him col mi baobei
hold moi hand n hug mi tight

haix.

fuck off terrorists!!
of all things y u choose liquid?!!
now i cant even bring a bottle of water to quench moi thirst
cant even bring moi cam to capture memories on plane
damn u!!

cant imagine im gg to travel in one of their targeted airlines
n to their no1 target country
moi life is at stake
whahahaha

haix
i disappointed him
now he wont even bother abt mi
forgive n forget?
how i wish
life's been miserable
its so terrible to wait for him to col
2days le

terrorists terrorists
bomb mi ba
save mi from all these misery
i keep making mistakes
n im not forgiven

i alrdy regretted n apologise le
alrdy lower down moi pride
alrdy gave in le
wad else can i do?

darling
wad u wan mi to do?

never could i imagine family pressure can be tat great
went for checkup today
e same environment
a heavy heart
e bed where i slept on
where love was felt

it was them who forced mi to make tat decision i refused
i struggled n i dragged on
i had nobody to talk to
end up, i gave in

a moment mistake
forever guilt n regrets

i paid a high price for that mistake
din i?

i am not happy
so tired that u ppl keep giving mi negative comments
since tats wad u all wan
fine
i gave way again

he said he will do anything so long i listen to him tat once
cux he owe mi
im sorry
but deres nutink u can do to repay mi
not even ur life
i dun blame u

jux take good care of urself
find a good gal
somebody whom u reali love n whom can reali understands u
stay happy n blissful
tats wad u can do for mi

dun wori abt mi
i will never be involved in bgr eva again
moi heart sank
given up hope
pressure from all sides
i cant take it anymore

moi words stil holds though
for he's e one n only i eva fell so deeply in love with
e one whom i was ready to make any sacrifices
moi one n only hubby
in moi heart, moi mind, moi life
i said i will not marry anyone but him
i meant it
be it the past, now or future

i alrdy lost moi loved one
i dun wan to lose another
but it pains mi to c him so tired
since he's so tired
i should give him a break
for im tired too

sigh.. i finali blurted it all out. but it din make mi feel better, i felt worse. no appetite at all. lost moi concentration. all i cud do was to lie on moi bed.

tears and pain non-stop, it hurts. it reali hurts.

he din reply e last msg but he stil msg mi when he reach home. haix. i rather he scold mi now. for once, i missed his scoldings.

saw e photo he took wid jj, so sweet. yepz, jealous. i am.

i brought moi camera, was all so excited to meet him. i wanted so much to take a photo wid him. so at least when i miss him i can stil 'see' him. no. e real reason was becux i wanted to prepare a present for him. e bdae present i owed him. looks like i never will have e chance again.

opportunities dun come knocking twice. he came back. n i took it for granted. i told moiself to cherish. but i never seems to know what the word means.

e date. 9th. seems to haf lost its significance.

perhaps tat incident reali changed mi. im no longer moiself. moi emotions can be so unstable till im becoming mad. i hate moiself. sometimes i jux feel like leaving the world.

e cheerful little princess is no longer around. e gal full of laughters n motivation is no longer around.

im now nothing but an empty shell. no longer know who i am.

i missed moi old self. moi soul, where did u go?

counting down. another 16days more.

will he still be around to tolerate moi nonsense? will i still be able to hold his hand n hear him call mi baobei?

i haf no confidence at all. not a slight bit. lost confidence in moiself. i haf absolute no idea wad im doing. moi emotions are driving mi mad.

he has been there all the while. he was there when i needed him most.

gal, y r u so silly?

u noe u wont be able to let him go. u knew wad he had done for u. y cudnt u calm down?

u were e one who initiated. den y r u crying?

arghhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i hate moiself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

im tired, i reali am
being sandwiched btw moi mum n him aint any good feeling
he dun seems to care so much
or maybe he does
i jux cant feel it

i woke up in nightmares
i was burning moi bro in the public
murderer
yes i am

for a while
i was crazy
moi eyes were full of hatred n killings
i nearly went mad
i reali did

standing by the edge of a cliff
pls stop pushing mi
nobody understands exactly how im feeling deep inside
im no longer moiself
e bad angel in mi is taking over
pls stop wad u r doing
cux one day
i might
jux jump off without saying goodbye

finali met darling today!!
yippee!!
jux simply love those little moments wid him
jux a while i oso contented
whahaha

i bought a pair of shoes today leh
finali found sumtink i reali like
its a multi-purpose one wor
n its white!!
moi favourite color
im going to bring to disney
heehee

oh
i might not be stopping over at japan le
cux e $150 tix sold out le
damn
so sad neh
since sec 3 i've been crazy abt gg japan
i reali wan to go so much
yet everytime oso canot go
arghhhh!!!
lets pray i can make it this time

heard e taka list come out le
wlcs n cs n ns n lt all same dae wor
whow
gg to be a great show
wad a pity im gg to miss it
damn
y do i haf to fly so early??
if sept den fly
i wud at least be able to catch a glimpse of taka
stil rmb got one yr i rush from airport to go taka watch comp wor
wid moi luggage leh!!
lolx

hmm
hubby competing leh
mux jia you wor
bb gif u moral support!!

gosh
im jux so happy today
i oso dunno y
maybe becux i met moi darling?
whahaha

v tired liao
gdnite

alright so i slept for e whole day today
it's saturday
but darling had to work
haix

ytd was e last day of sch
nv had to return again except for exams
cant imagine
im alrdy third yr
n im leaving real soon for disney
kinda miss sch

moi grandsons r booking mi on e 25th
cux im supposed to haf a date on e 26th
shant remind him
lets c if he remembers im leaving

din contact him for 24hrs
jux dun feel like
n it dun seems to bother him
feel like hugging him to slp
but he's out dere chilling out again
haix

sometimes i reali wonder
how impt am i to him?
when it comes to chu shi, im nowhere
when it comes to gatherings, im nowhere
so, where am i?

e time we spent tgt is so much much lesser
he's so occupied wid sch from mon to fri
sat he gotta work
sun he got training
one wk seven days
not even a day spared for mi

21days left
forget it
exams coming
gal, concentrate on ur studies ba
stop being love sick

ytd help mama celebrate bdae
was a simple one
jux a little cake n a bdae song
but felt so warmth n nice
simply love e feeling

later going to celebrate darling's papa n didi bdae
cant imagine i was invited for e dinner
tot ish hubby ask mi go
end up ish his mama ask mi to go along
lolx!!

was watching last nite 9pm drama
e weixiang so romantic
mummy oso agree leh
if onli im e female lead
awww

moi darling so woodblock
mummy oso sae daddy like woodblock
lolx!!
nvm la
woodblock den woodblock lor
wad to do
he love mi jiu hao
haha

hmm
went for briefing ytd
moi flight confirm le wor
27th aug, sunday
0645am
0430am mux reach airport liao wor
omg!!

tried to pack moi luggage
den end up
clothes oso haven put in alrdy full liao
tat means alot things canot bring leh
*shake head*

downstairs pap kids singing national song leh
so huai nian
last time i oso like em
sing national song in sch
now dun haf liao
another half yr i gg to graduate liao
time reali fly leh
this time is reali graduate liao
cux dun think i gg university

oops
gtg liao
mux go bathe den go meet moi darling n his family liao
whahaha

signing off

y do a fallen leaf stil sticks ard a tree?
y should e leaf still corrode n becomes its fertilizer?
y when e tree abandon e leaf stil return?

the leaf returns when the others told it to go.
the leaf kept quiet when e weather turns cold.
the turning point of its life.
it cries alone at night.
nobody cares.
the tree dun bother.
a leaf less means no significance.
perhaps, the leaf's existence was never noticed.

tired.
giving up.

a blog is a diary
a diary is supposed to contain privacy
but not when it is an online diary
ppl read ur diary
be it ur tots or feelings
u gotta think twice wad u wan to post
before it hurts e other party mentioned in ur post
ppl u noe or not
reads ur diary
n let their tots wonder
so e next time u blog
think again

finali back from hospital
made so many friends dere
whahaha

leading a princess life now
anything oso canot do
canot carry heavy things
canot go watch com
canot go out
canot eat cold food

recovering stage
mux rest alot alot
onli tat day den i realised
im so blessed
so many ppl dote on mi

auntie uncle came to visit mi
den i noe y dey love mi so much
owaes buy things for mi
hubby dun haf
haha
no wonder he jealous

e firx time eva
i got an mc for 9days!!
whow
used to ask for onli 1day so difficult
now nv ask got 9days
lolx

so bored
no printer at home
cant print past yr paper do oso
cant print moi US stuff oso
anywhere oso canot go
unless mama ard

can u imagine
im not even allowed to wash moi own dishes
aiyoyo

tmr ish e day
or shd i sae today
finali e day arrives for mi to sae goodbye
hopefully e right decision
haix

finali done wid gbe
e major project tat got everyone headaches for e past few mths
done wid tle too
great
one more to go
in fact two more

after this wk
i'll be free
for a while at least

exams in 2wks time
flying off in 4wks time
whew
time reali flies
how fast
i haben even gotten moi luggage
dun even noe whether got time to pack

so many things to bring
jux hope i'll not forget this n tat

gotta go back to moi project

jux hoping i'll not haf regrets
cross out depressions
may god bless mi

its e firx day of 7th mth
wad a coincidence
hmm
walk wid care ba

signing off

jux had moi dinner after e com
kinda late
sounds more like supper, i guess
haas

anyway
jux wanna sae
good job, moi kids!!
sp got 8.18
third place in west zone
blcc got in taka
congrats

alright
yepz, i was all alone
again
i went down alone
went home alone
was all alone throughout the com

ah yew saw mi
asked mi y i alone
ah seng saw mi
asked e same question
=)

so many friends
ppl i knew
was all around
yet i was all by moiself

i sat at a corner
watch sp move e things up to the lorry
n took group photo outside e cc
moi heart was crying
i dunno y
it jux hurts
to noe tat i might not be able to return

spld
a place where moi laughter remains
a place where i was once moiself
i love em
n i mux admit
im so much closer to em
it feels like a family
e love n warmth dey brought to mi
thankew

com finish
i msg hubby
he was chilling out wid his classmates
enjoying life
so good
cant rmb when was e last time
i chilled out wid moi friends
seems decades ago
haix

e turning point of moi life
i am lonely
i miss him terribly
but i dun wan to c him
i dunno y
but i jux miss him

tears wetting moi eyes
i am lonely

at home
i feel invisible at times
outside
im a nobody
wid moi friends
im owaes e one left out

y? y mux it be mi?!

i wan to get away
break away from everything
dere r so many ppl ard mi
but y am i owaes alone???

went to c com ytd
not bad
finali sumtink worth to c
blcc got 8.33
juboon got 8.49
play slide wor
creative sia
wonder how dey do e slide

was all alone by moiself
hubby sae come n find mi
end up got so busy din even haf time to sae gdbye
saw e lorry drove off
speechless

wasnt feeling well
e same thing again
doc owaes sae
if u got headache
jux take panadol n go to sch
dun nid mc
izzit?

den y am i owaes having headaches?
even when i haf enuff slp?
i dun like tat doc
go take mc
stil scold mi
wth

moi grp met up for proj on thur
nobody inform mi
until i ask em in sch on fri
haix

today oso dunno got meet up anot
wadeva la
dun wan to bother le

next wk
i will be missing again
i dun wan to
i wan to go back sch
i wan to attend lessons
but
dere r some things beyond moi control

mummy n didi was cleaning e house
i was at home
but seems invisible
keep hearing mummy shouting for moi didi
guess dats how it will be like
when im away ba
moi absence doesnt seems to make a difference

this time
am i reali going to fly?

counting down the days

moi darling gg for singing com wor!!
lolx
years ago if he told mi this
i wud nv gif support
but his singing improved alot
jia you wor!!

jux a pity
i cant be dere to hear him sing
somehow
every com he goes
i'll be dere to support
good or bad
i'll be dere
haas

nvm
he noes i'll be dere for him
even without moi physical presence

haix
time flies
left onli abt 4wks
i'll be flying
voom!!! all e way to usa
so far far away from home
sure homesick
plus lovesick
omg

jux now gs called
tmr he gg tekong le
he scared wor
cux 7th mth
haha
so timid
told him to prepare alot alot amulet leh
lolx!!

i guess he miss mi ba
sae among all his friends
those long long nv c de
all met le except mi
y am i always missing?

i wonder too
seems like i haf many friends
but y it seems like
i onli meet em once in a blue moon
n e weird thing is
its all diff grp of ppl
???

today c mama washing e kitchen
suddenly feel so blessed
to haf mama ard
i wanted so much to hug her
n sae im sorry

i haben been a good daughter
owaes make her so agitated
make her so worried
even scream at her
when im in e wrong

mummy, im sorry
i love ya, mummy

tat day
wlcs com
standard drop like dunno wad
disappointment

darling was sad
but i din find him
until e whole thing finishes

e words he sae
n e hug
made mi feel
gosh
i cant bear to leave him
n counting down
its onli 5more wks to go
omg

ytd was a tired day
but was glad i went ahead
at least i gotta knew
moi darling do miss mi
as much as i do
haas

he owaes make jokes
out of the questions i ask
never once sae e words i wanna hear
but i knew
he meant e other way

alright
guys r lidat
dey dun express themselves freely like gals
but dey do feel deeply too

probably
tats e difference between guys n gals

not much time left
i wan to cherish e time tgt
cux i noe
i will miss u like hell

a 4-day sch wk
i onli attended one day one lesson
mum beat mi wid her leather belt
got frustrated of mi not attending sch
grandsons sigh
disappointed tat i dun turn up for chu shi

well
dere mux be a reason
for e change in mi
n e reason being
somebody non-existent in ur world
tat somebody exist in moi world

not tat i dun wan to go sch
i cudnt wake up
wad u wan mi to do
i feel tired n sleepy all the time
i slp in the evening at 7pm
wake up at 9pm
i cudnt slp again at 12am
i tossed n turn until 4am
den i finali get to slp
i dream
den e alarm rings
e onli thing i rmb
is to off e alarm
n get back to slp

life seems meaningless
i need an alternative
i need a break

if mum gg to get heart attack becux of mi
i rather u get a knife n stab mi to death
dat will help ease ur torture
n i will be happier

news findings show
singaporeans rank bottom 2 in the world
for being e most unhappy

r u happy?

been ages since i last update
hmm
ytd was moi last day of work
finali reali finish work
but dunno wad happen
blur blur
end up mux top $3!!
-_-!!

guess maybe cux of sleepless nite ba
quarrelled e nite before
haix

today whole day no contact
another half hour reali ish 24hrs no tok le
dunno wad he doing oso
painting bamboos?
din even leave a msg for mi
haix

bery sianx leh
whole day at home
slp slp slp
sp chu shi oso nv go
got dragon today leh
haix

jux now watch pirates of the carribean
nice
but watch until i fell asleep
y i so tired leh
aiyo
btw
tat was channel 5
shall head to e movies

ytd hubby go kbox again
everytime go kbox
nv jio mi
humph
k la
last min de
canot blame him
but can at least ask mi rite
haix

dunno la
stomach bery pain
sumore no news of hubby at all
call or msg oso no reply
haix

today ish the 9th leh
purposely leave today free for him de lor
end up din even msg mi
haix haix haix
guess the date does matters to mi ba
dunno la
arghhhhhh!!!!

i reali miss u so much lor
like so many days neber c u
next month going to fly liao
den would be 5mths canot c u liao
now competition plus moi projects
wan to c u oso difficult
one wk oso dunno can c one time anot
tat once in a wk oso not 24hrs
not even one day!!
tat means e most onli can c u like 4days before i fly?!

aiyo
darling
i miss u so.. ...
where r u???

i read e lyrics
of the song
u once said to sing to mi
it made moi eyes wet

if those were ur true feelings
i wan to sae
im sorry
i was wrong
to haf tot u were untrue

god knows
whether u will c moi post
if u do
pls dun feel offended

its jux a way
for mi to express moi feelings
somehow
i jux cudnt sae it to u
moi tears wil drop
n i hate to cry infront of u

if eva
u c moi post
specially for u
hope u read it thru n thorough
n understand it thru

u know
i do love u still

i jux cudnt understand y e mention of moi involvement is owaes e root of our quarrels.. we share e same interest but y cant i be involved? he allowed his previous to go along for trainings for pfm, everywhere he goes.. y cant i? i dun get it.. i jux dun..

dun expect mi to know everything in ur mind.. i cant read ur mind.. its too complicated.. n i guess im too simple..

a simple asking mi out can reali brighten moi day even if we dun get to meet in the end.. im so easily contented.. wad else do u wan?

love is not about one giving in all the time.. i noe u gave in alot to mi too.. n u noe i love dragon.. given moi condition i noe i cant do vigorous exercises.. it will worsen.. but i onli follow.. y cant i even follow? moi whole family will be performing.. cant i go give em moi support? i was suppose to be in the pfm itself too..

before we patch, when u noe im going for chu shi wid moi grandsons u din sae anything.. i tot.. u changed.. u admitted ur selfishness.. u admitted u were too restrictive on mi.. dun u remember i was once so suffocated becux u tie mi too tight? n becux of tat i became rebellious?

u dun teach mi how to blog cux u noe i would be commenting alot abt us.. but since u dare to do it.. y dun u dare to admit? yes.. im pissed off.. im reali am.. i cant stand it anymore.. n im bursting out everything..

to be honest.. e period when we were separated.. e times when i was in sp.. was moi happiest time.. becux i had u i had moi dragon too.. we werent tgt.. but we had endless topic to go on n on.. i can freely express moi views on anything.. u will not scold.. e most we debate.. but i can go on n on.. i can go ahead wid moi trainings.. do anything i like.. u dun control mi.. i was most relaxed.. n tat was wad i owaes yearn for in us.. isnt tat how a r/s should be like?

i dun control u.. i let u do anything u wan.. u like.. so long u happy.. y cant u do e same? izzit becux u lacked e confidence in mi or in urself? when moi friends heard we patched.. to them, it's a piece of shocking news.. everybody was shocked.. n dey asked e same thing.. whether i stil haf feelings for u.. i wasnt sure until tat day.. when u asked mi out.. i realised.. yes.. i love u still.. e feelings may not be as strong as last time.. i may not be able to give 101% like in the past.. but e feelings are rekindling.. it is.. no matter wad others sae.. it doesnt matter.. it doesnt influence mi at all.. well.. dey sae i deserve somebody better.. but it doesnt matter to mi at all!! it doesnt!!

when ur friends heard u wanted a patch.. everybody was so excited n encouraged u.. dey sae e same thing too.. dey all feel tat its better for us to be tgt.. becux im a good gal? wadeva.. it doesnt matter to mi.. e thing that reali matters is ur thinking, ur feelings..

tat day when i c ur joy n ur tears.. i felt secured.. for once, i felt tat u r true.. i was assured.. den when u started to turn cold.. e insecurity came back.. i dunno wad happened.. i was scared.. so afraid tat history would happen.. so afraid tat u would tel mi u wan to break off, unexpectedly..

maybe tat was y.. im protecting moiself.. i cant imagine another similar blow from u.. i cant.. it took mi real long to walk out from the darkness.. at tat point of time, i even tot of commiting suicide.. u jux cant imagine how deep moi love was for u.. this time, i dun allow moiself to fall too deep.. im afraid tat when i fall deep, e same thing will happen.. but sometimes, i feel tat u r serious..

den again, i cant be sure.. izzit becux of regret u come back? to repay mi? when time is up, u will leave.. is tat so? no.. pls dun.. i reali dunno.. but i haf a feeling it isnt true.. u came back.. becux after one round u stil think im most suitable for u.. am i rite? i cant read ur mind.. i admit.. im blur most of the times.. n im slow.. but somehow i understand how u feel.. somehow nobody understands u like i do.. rite?

how i hope.. u can understand how i feel too..
all i wanted is jux a healthy n simple r/s.. one where we can share our laughters n sorrows.. one that we can hand in hand go thru all the wind n storms ahead.. one tat we can simply be ourselves..

yeah!! im so happy today!!
finali.. moi appetite seems to haf recovered!!

let mi recall..
hmm..
i ate bread n butter n kopi
den a roti prata
den a sweetcorn ice-cream
den dinner
its moi usual portion ooh
den half plate of mango
den a small cup of milk
den 6 otah
lolx!!

n i onli feel bery bery full
not terrible!!
great great!!
yippee yuppie!!

morning hubby date mi wor!!
haas
he seldom ask mi for date de wor..
though he gotta end work late
n we din met up at all
doesnt matter
its e tot that counts!!
love ya darling!!

den met up wid boonbee at nite
finali finish e scrapbook
yeah
chatted wid her
saw alvin
den saw junjie
den saw tat weijin who who
gosh
i forgot e name
anyway
i saw alot ppl
caught up wid em
feel so good

its owaes nice to catch up wid ur old mates
bb been moi buddy since primary one
counting back this is the 12th yr we known each other!!
its good tat we r stil regularly in contact
n we owaes haf endless topic
oh yeah

oh! n shirt i wear
seems to be attracting alot attention
"explain to me again why i need a bf"
lols

hey
didi sae got ghost show wor!!
going off!!
byebye!!